I'd Rather Be At Work

Today was the day for the #1 son to do his science project. The project that I didn't want him to have a partner for, but he insisted. The plan was for Partner to arrive at 10:00 a.m. and stay until 12:00 noon. The boys have a bowling league on Saturdays, and this would still leave time for bowling. The Partner was responsible for bringing three styrofoam coolers and a cardboard can of salt. We, on the other hand, bought a thermometer, 36 cans of Pepsi, 3 bags of ice, and the display board. I planned to go to town and get back with the ice at 10:15. That's because we don't have room for 3 bags of ice in the freezer, and it was 60 degrees today.

We offered to go get Partner, who lives in the other direction past school, but he declined. He said his mom would bring him. We offered to meet Partner in town, and let the #1 son ride with his mom to show them how to get to the Mansion, which is off the beaten track. Then they could have things set up and ready for the ice. Partner said no, his mom would bring him. He looked up our address on the innernets, and said he knew the way, and that it would take 42 minutes from his house. This morning at 9:15, I told #1 to call Partner and see if he needed directions. There was no answer.

I left for town as planned, and sent The Pony to the BARn with HH, who had gone over there at 8:20, saying he was going to sort his fishing lures. On my way to town, I saw that HH's #1 son was parked in the middle of the BARn field. At 9:35, my #1 son called to tell me that Partner had just left his house.

Upon arriving home with the precious ice at 10:15, I asked the #1 son where Partner was. He called. The Partner was in The Devil's Playground. I left the ice in the back of the LSUV, swaddled like true Ice Babies in our winter coats. At 10:40, the #1 son again called Partner, who stated he was just leaving the Playground. The #1 son went to the BARn to get a 5-gallon thingy to put some water in. HH picked a fight with him and told him to get out. I know, because I was on the phone with #1 when it happened. HH had his fishing lures all over the table that was to be used to do the experiment. How it takes 2 and a half hours to sort lures I'll never know. It must have something to do with rummaging about upstairs at the back of the BARn, which is what The Pony said they did while HH's oldest son was there. After the scuffle, #1 was quite upset and declared that he was not doing any science project, and that the Partner could just go back home. Which was my opinion, but the Partner had just bought the stuff, and wasn't even here yet.

The #1 son's phone rang, and he refused to answer. I told Partner that #1 didn't want to do the project any more. He said, "Here, talk to my mom." Great. They always put me in the middle. Of course Partner's Mom was lost. Uh huh. We could have avoided this whole debacle if #1 had remained Partnerless. Or even if Partner would have listened to reason and let us pick him up. So...I tried to give PM directions, figuring that if I threatened to take the iPhone, #1 would straighten up and fly right.

At 11:10 Partner arrived. I small-talked with PM, who said, "I know they had planned two hours, but I'm not sure that will be enough time. How about if I come back at 1:00 to get him?" I told her that would be OK, but 1:00 was the time that the boys left for bowling. Just to make my point that she'd better not say 1:00 and arrive at 2:10. By 11:20, #1 had been coaxed out of the house, and loaded up the Scout to go experiment. HH had taken off around 11:00, after screaming at all of us about how HE was the boss, and not the boy. Same old HH.

So there's the tale of how I spent a miserable Saturday morning. I swear, people would suffocate without me to tell them when to breathe in, and when to breathe out.