More Problems With The Devil

Did I tell you that I have Easter Bunny issues? Well, if I didn't, it was a rare oversight on my part. That game that T. Easter Bunny brought The Pony? That $50 computer game? The Devil's Playground refuses to take it back. OK, I know that The Pony took two stickers off of the cardboard that holds the plastic case in its sleeve. That was all. I found out that he did not even open the game like I had thought...the #1 son read about it on the back of the case, and told him, "You can only play this on internet, and our dial-up is not going to let it run right." So he shoved the whole thing back in the cardboard sleeve, and it sat on the living room table until this morning.

I finagled the #1 son into taking The Pony into Papa John's Pizza while I explained my situation to the ancient greeter. She slapped a sticker on that Pirate game, and I went to wait in line at the service desk. The bleachy-haired honky b*tch (that's one of my favorite book titles, you know, and a pretty darn good book as well) behind the counter was busy chatting with an old friend such as my Bean, it appeared. No transaction was taking place. Another worker traipsed in and out a couple of times doing nothing. After cooling my heels for 7 minutes, the 'friend' turned around and saw me, and wrapped up the reunion.

BHHB took my game, popped it out of the cardboard sleeve, wrenched it open, straightened the 5 booklets she knocked out, perused the 2 or 3 CDs in there, and said, "All I can do is let you trade it for the exact same thing." Yeah, right. I had told her the situation, and showed her my receipt, and still she clung to this explanation. "Because of federal copyright laws, we are only allowed to exchange opened items for the exact same thing." I asked her how that would help me. I told her that I had waited in that very line last summer, behind a woman who traded in 2 of the 2-for-$9.99 DVDs without a receipt, without an ID, and got cash back. She said, "Even with movies, all we can do is let you trade it for the exact same thing." LIAR! LIAR! (to borrow some lyrics from 3 Dog Night).

When I left, the man behind me stepped up to the counter. BHHB said sweetly, "May I help you?" He knew which way the wind blew, because he said, "I hope so." To borrow some words from Reverend Wright, "G--D--n the Devil's Playground!" Now I am out $50. I mean, T. Easter Bunny is out $5o. I went back to the entrance for a cart, and told the little old lady that they wouldn't take it back. "Oh," she said. "You didn't have your receipt?" I most certainly DID have my receipt, from last Friday night. She rolled her eyes. "That doesn't sound right. You might try another Wal*Mart." Uh huh. Or I might come back to this very Playground on another day, when that BHHB is not working. It's not like I make a habit of buying games for $50, copying them, and then returning the games.

By the time I left the Playground, I was, (to borrow a favorite expression of Mabel's), hot to trot! And not in a good way.