Friday, March 28, 2008

Random Thought Thriday

Because I can. It was due Thursday, but I am that privileged kid with connections who can bend the rules and turn in my Thursday post on Friday.

I turned my mother into a criminal. I gave her the Easter Bunny computer game and sent her to the next town to get a cash refund. She dropped by school at lunch time to tell me she had a harrowing experience. She waited in line, and just when it was time for her to do my bidding, the service lady cleared out her drawer and a new one came on. Mom handed her the game and recited the story we had rehearsed. She is not a good impromptu liar. "I gave this to my grandson for Easter, and he already had one." The Service Lady shook the game out of its cardboard sleeve, and looked at the top sticker, then the bottom sticker. ("I had smoothed down the stickers right before I took it in," my mom had reported). The SL looked at her. "Has this game been opened?" Borrowing a line from Hillary Clinton, my mom answered, "Not that I know of." The SL asked the retiring SL about it. "Do you think this has been opened?" The other said, "I don't know. We have to be really careful about that. You need to call back to electronics." So they did. They waited. The call came back. My mom said, "Is there a problem?" The SL gave her the whole spiel about how people take them home and copy them and then bring them back. She said she thought it should have been shrinkwrapped, but Electronics checked the shelf and said none of them were shrinkwrapped. Then she gave my mom $53 and change. As Mom walked away, heart all a-flutter, the SL called her back. "Here's your receipt. You'd better keep it. You have another game on there." Whew! Good thing I sent an impostor, because she had to sign her name. Crime DOES pay, by cracky!

Those people in the UPS store can be quite rude. Like when it is 5:30, and they don't close until 6:00, and someone walks in with a package, and two of them run into the back room. That's because they apparently weren't vigilant enough to watch through the front wall of windows, and were startled by the 'DING' of the bell attached to the door. If they were birds, I, the cat, would have eaten them. They must have armwrestled to see who had to wait on me, because the girl came out and the guy stayed hidden. All she had to do was take the large package I had been holding for 5 minutes because all of their counters were covered with this'n'that stuff they wanted to sell. Godspeed, sweet Lappy.

HH walks around upstairs like he has stumps but no feet.

Yesterday, a girl who told me she has an IQ of 260 (!) announced, "I cut myself." We all swiveled our heads to gape at her, and she amended that statement with, "But not in the Emo way. I cut myself last night and had to get a band-aid."

For Easter, I gave Mabel a cow that moos and poops candy. I am one of those people who can find the perfect gift for anybody.

Wednesday, we had a hailstorm after school. I remember the day, because as I walked outside for duty, HH called and asked if it was hailing. No. It was bright and sunny. But there was a black cloud creeping closer by the minute. Thank the Gummi Mary, my duty ended dryly. At 3:15, the skies opened and the ground grew white. In looking out the window that the #1 son opened to 'catch' some hail, I saw a soda can and some snack wrappers. My room looks out on the front sidewalk and bus lane and guest parking. I said, "Where did all this trash come from?" #1 replied, "I'm sure your kids toss it out there when they are busy sticking their arms out the window."

The Pony brought home a Norther Red Oak today. I'm thinking it was some kind of Arbor Day promo that the 4th grade goes through every year. Surely he didn't rip it out of the ground. Though if he did, I wouldn't blame him, what with my outrage at a girl for accusing him of cheating yesterday on a MAP practice math test. He seemed a bit miffed. Three people got the same score. The girl across the room who said he copied off her, The Pony, and the girl who sits next to him. "But we have to leave a seat in between for the test, Mom." I asked him if he cheated. "No. But we missed the same ones." I asked if he had the same answers. "Well, on one of them that we got right, I had the same answer. It was about some kind of pie, from a graph." OK. If it was a RIGHT answer, they should have had the same thing. Duh. This boy is not smart enough to cheat. Not that he's dumb. He's gotten 'A's in math every year since kindergarten. You can't tell me he's been cheating off that girl across the room all this time. Or even off the girl next to him. What are the odds that he has a smart kid sitting alphabetically next to him from K-4? So I will take him at his word. I've never known him to cheat before. Methinks some young lass is cruisin' for a bruisin' if she doesn't lay off. I suppose he cheated to win the school spelling bee as well. I despise a liar. Well, unless it's Hillary Clinton. Then I'll make excuses for her. Because I appreciate a crafty war of words. I go to battle many times each year, what with various students sniping at me as it suits their moods. I always emerge the winner.

It will be time to retire when a 9th-grader out-argues Mrs. Hillbilly Mom.

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