Out Of The Mouths Of Drama Queens

I heard a good story today. A story that made me laugh so hard that my stomach hurt from that leftover chicken and stuffing that I took for lunch. I had to take a Pepsid AC for that burning pain. But the story was good. And true.

It all started with one of the kids who sits right in front of my desk. The class was working on their science projects which are due next week. This gal's cousin was on the case, telling her what to do next. So she had a little time to ask me, "Do you want to hear the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me?" I'm sure the others could hear my eyes roll, clear in the back corners of the room. "There's only ONE?" I asked. Because maybe, just maybe, at times, she's a bit of a Drama Queen. The cousin snorted. "Oh, there's way more than one!"

The whole story started because DQ has been sick, and came up to my desk to get some tissues. "I'll just take a few of them back to my desk so I don't have to keep getting up." Yeah. That three-foot hike was killing her. But seriously, I didn't mind, because it kept her germs at bay for a longer interval. I told her, "OK, as long as you don't leave them for me to pick up out of the desk." She agreed, and took her tissues to her seat. She did a bit of work on the project, and then asked the fatal question. Of course I could not stop her. She's like a runaway train when she gets going. DQ commenced her story.

Last year, at summer school, we were eating lunch in the cafeteria. I was sick, and I had a bunch of toilet paper to use for blowing my nose. I was sitting at the lunch table, so I stuffed the toilet paper down between my legs. When lunch was over, we had to go to gym. We went down the steps and got out some basketballs, and Coach told Cousin and me to choose teams. Then somebody yelled, 'Hey, DQ, show us how it's done!' I jumped up in the air and shot the basketball. And all of that toilet paper fell out of my crotch onto the gym floor. People staired. Some of them said, "Hey, toilet paper fell out of your crotch!" I was SO embarrassed. I had walked around the lunchroom and down into the gym and everything with all that toilet paper in my crotch. And some people thought it was really toilet paper. You know, not for blowing my nose. I can't believe I did that.

After I stopped guffawing, I said, "Where are all those tissues that you've been blowing your nose on? You didn't throw them away." And she assured me, "Oh, they're in my crotch. I put everything in there."

Sweet Gummi Mary! They pay me for this.