Saturday, March 15, 2008

An Editorial From HM

The following is an editorial by Mrs. Hillbillly Mom.

People at lunch tables throughout the nation of Hillmomba: It is not necessary to comment on what other people bring for lunch. Period. Mind your own beeswax. Does it matter to you what some other person consumes for sustenance? Do you think you will be offered/required to eat some of it? Let me answer for you: "That ain't gonna happen." Let your colleagues be. You are not the food police. You are not a registered dietician. Your opinion does not count. It creates ill will. Shut your piehole!

Just yesterday, for example, a colleague had decided to ingest one 20 oz. Pepsi, and one can of chocolate royale Slimfast. She was not mixing them. They sat side by side in the area where her plate or cafeteria tray would have rested. But someone had to raise the question, "Isn't that counterproductive, drinking regular soda with Slimfast?" She answered, though a withering glare would have pleased me more. "Well, I thought it would be better for me than that." And she waved a hand at ME and Mr. S! Like we had to be included on this witch-hunt.

If I want to bring a baloney sandwich with cheese and mustard, and a snack pack of Fritos, is that her business? NO! So I snottily said, "Well! I can't believe you people don't find baloney and Fritos to be a healthy lunch! She stammered, "I just meant, like, it's not as bad as having the school lunch. It's full of fat." That's what Mr. S was having. A tray of fat. In the guise of chicken nuggets, potato chips, nacho cheese with an orange skin on top, a chocolate milk, a strawberry milk, green beans with onions, and a rainbow sherbet push-up thingy. Never mind that the Slimfaster had eaten the rotini with melted cheese, garlic breadstick, tater tots, and banana along with her Pepsi the day before.

THEN, the original offender went on to say, "I like it when people have a DIET soda with their food. Last weekend, my dad went in a convenience store and bought a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts and a Diet Coke. The cashier took a look at it and laughed." OK, first of all, if that happened to me (which it wouldn't, because I don't like Krispy Kreme), I would say, "Just forget it. I don't want it anymore." And that cashier could just restock those items and void the register, and perhaps think twice about the sanctimonious chuckle the next time.

Does anybody ever stop to think that regular soda is just TOO GOSH-DARN SWEET? There's no way I could drink a 20-oz. regular soda. A diet soda? No problem. I'd swill that sucker like there was no tomorrow. Some people just prefer the less-filling diet soda. So they can cram in more Krispy Kremes before they're full.

No matter where I've worked, there is always somebody at the lunch table who appoints him/herself the lunch police. Who cares if I brought the exact same lunch of cheddar cheese on a bagel with mustard, pretzel sticks, and a Diet Mountain Dew for one entire year? That was MY business. Did I spout off about the Chili Mac that those freaks ordered out? Nope. Wasn't my business.

Get off it people. Eat and let eat.

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