Friday, February 22, 2008

Dead Man Talking

HH called me on his way home to report that The Veteran has a buddy in the county sheriff's department. Yeah, you say, so what? Oh. That's what I said to HH. Then HH said he had asked The Veteran to have his buddy get a copy of the police report from the shooting incident a couple weeks ago. I don't think that's improper. I'm sure it's a matter of public record. These things are in the local paper all the time. And I know that HH could have gotten a copy if he had taken off work to go down to the county court house and request it. He's the one who filed the initial report, you know. Back when that Yosemite Sam neighbor put his old garage door and other trash on our land and refused to move it and told HH he'd shoot him if he came back.

Anyhoo...HH said The Veteran called him and read the report. It seems that right after the two deputies took HH's statement, they went a-callin' to Mr. Yosemite Sam's manufactured home. And Mr. Yosemite Sam, hereafter referred to as 'The Shootist', had a mouthful to say to those deputies. Specifically, that he would shoot HH with buckshot. Uh huh. That's how we do things here in Hillmomba. Don't lie and cover your a$$ after you threaten to shoot someone. Tell the law HOW you're going to do it.

Long story short--the deputies arrested The Shootist for 3rd Degree Assault, and hauled him in and made him post bond. Yep. That HH sure has a way of winning friends and influencing people. So now he's a dead man, basically. Just when I thought the whole flap had blown over, I find out that HH got this guy arrested. HH differs in opinion. "Good thing I did! What if I had let things go?" Hmm...the guy would have forgotten about it, and would have cleaned up that crap in his own good time, just to show you he was boss. But now, he's got a reason to kill you.

HH went on to say, "How crazy do you have to be not to lie about threatening to shoot somebody? How crazy do you have to be to tell the police that you're going to shoot a guy?" I don't know, Genius. You tell me. It seems that you are the one who told the very same deputies: "I'm not going to say that I'll get out my gun and shoot him, but if he comes up in my yard, I will." Duh.

HH also reports that a relative of a guy he bowls with works for the DNR. Oh. That's Department of Natural Resources, I suppose. Anyway, this guy says, "Those are the kind of people we like to investigate. They know how to actually do something that might be dangerous. What's his address?" This was in reference to The Shootist telling HH that he would ruin his land so bad that he would have to pay a million dollars to clean it up. HH said he wouldn't give The Shootist's address, but that HH's land is right next door, and it has a big sinkhole on it, and maybe the DNR should come out and take a look, just in case there was something hazardous in there when we bought it 10 years ago.

I hope they wear bullet-proof vests.


Redneck Diva said...

Wow. Our Wood Stealin' Neighbor is a Baptist deacon and has yet to wave a gun at us, so I guess we're fortunate that all he did was steal wood. Oh and he also good ol' boyed my husband into just about agreeing to allow WSN to push all his brush onto our property so we could do a controlled burn on it. Because I guess in that damn Baptist's mind, that's neighborly. Thankfully, I slapped my husband hard enough that he didn't agree. Oh alright, I didn't slap him, but the shrill shrieks emitting from my mouth were pretty close to being just as painful.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I now have a copy of the police report. It might come in handy if HH shoots The Shootist.