Friday, November 30, 2007

If You Give HM a Refrigerator

If you give HM a mini-refrigerator, she will put it in her classroom.
Then one day, a prankster will ask, "Can we put Cindy's purse in the refrigerator while she's in the bathroom?" And HM will say, "OK. But we have to give it to her before the bell." But Prankster will stuff the purloined purse in the freezer, even though HM says, "No! Not the freezer."

If the freezer door breaks off the mini-fridge, HM will ask her son to fix it after school. While the boy is trying to make repairs, Trivia Buddy will walk in to see if HM is coming to his Christmas party. Trivia Buddy will spy the #1 son at the mini-fridge, and offer to help. It's one of those offers you can't refuse.

If Trivia Buddy tells HM all she needs to do is defrost to get rid of those ice ridges in the way of the freezer door, and unplugs the mini-fridge and microwave because he can't tell which cord belongs to what, HM will tell him to stop that. "It will make a mess overnight and I'll have to clean it up."

If Trivia Buddy takes a roll of school-issue harsh brown paper towels and stuffs half of it into the bottom of the fridge, HM will still tell him she doesn't want to do it right now. Trivia Buddy will insist, and waltz off into the sunset.

If HM arrives at school at 7:35 the next morning, she will see that her map of the world fell off the wall again, and that her entire table is covered with a shallow water puddle. HM will try to mop it up with those brown paper towels that have the absorbency of notebook paper. She will open the mini-fridge and fish out the sodden brown paper towels that have marinated all night. Her bottled water will be hot, and her lunch will rest in peace at near room temperature all morning.

If HM tries to plug in the microwave and mini-fridge without being electrocuted, she will step on that blasted map of the world. Tape that will not stick to the wall WILL stick to HM's shoe. She will take the map of the world on a short tour of the classroom before slapping it back on the wall.

If HM has papers still to copy before the 8:12 bell, because she won't have another chance until her plan time at 1:12, it will be 8:00 before she has the mess cleaned up enough to avoid a lawsuit due to slippage in the mini-fridge zone. Lacking a yellow plastic 'slippery' marker thingy, HM is all about the thorough clean-up.

If HM tells this story to her pranking class, they will chuckle politely, except for Cindy, who has a bone to pick with HM, and Velcro-Boyfriend Girl, who genuinely likes HM, and is the best audience for trying out new material.

Don't give HM a refrigerator.


Cazzie!!! said...

Fill the fridge with beer, oh yeahhh!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

It sounds good in theory, but I'm pretty sure the administration would frown on beer in my mini-fridge. It WOULD be a kick-a$$ fundraiser, though!