Friday, November 23, 2007

3000 Words

Welcome to the MiniMansion, HH's shanty down by the creek. It's a place for him to set a spell. Take his shoes off. He spends every waking moment down there, when he's not at work, or eating, or sitting in the Free Hairwad Hot Tub in his underwear. Notice the quality workmanship in the steps.

"Come and listen to a story 'bout a man named Jed. Poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. Then one day he was shootin' for some food...and up through the ground came...a fully-formed outhouse.

Scrap lumber, that is. Four by fours. From his work."

Yes, these are the facilities at the MiniMansion. It has a door and a roof now. But look at it. LOOK AT IT! Doesn't it make you claustrophobic? And there's no hole! But there is now. Just not a seat to put over the hole.

"Well the first thing you know ol' Jed's a Mansionaire. Kinfold said, 'Jed why'd you build that there?' Said, 'I think the loony bin's the place you oughta be.' So we captured poor HH when he'd just sat down to pee.

He does that, you know. Sits down. To pee."

Here's what's left of the Oreo cake. It's kinda popular in these here parts. It was hard to get a photo. The minute I took the lid off my Tupperware cakeholder, the smell wafted into the living room to HH's nostrils, and he came snuffling in. The reason it was hard to get the pic was because HH pulled a Waldo and kept popping up in frame. In his tighty whities. It would give you nightmares. I promise.

"Now it's time to say goodbye to Jed and all his kin. We would like to thank you folks for kindly droppin' in. You're all invited back next week to this locality. To have a heapin' helpin' of this Oreo cake if there's any left.

There won't be, though. 'Cause they're pigs, my men.

Y'all come back now. Y'hear?"

That concludes this episode of the Mansion Hillbillies.

DISCLAIMER: Nobody in our family is named 'Jed'.


DPA said...

He does that, you know. Sits down. To pee."

That made me laugh. Hard.

Hillbilly Mom said...

To comply with the Truth in Blogging Act, I should have amended that to read that HH sits down to pee, unless he is outside, in which case he goes wherever he wants, while standing and surveying his kingdom.