Saturday, December 1, 2007

Uncharacteristically Short

I'm not having a good day. My main email server thingy has gone all wonky. The email where I am keeping track of my online Christmas shopping, so I can remember what I've received and what is still floating around on a US Postal Service truck. And let's not for the Unqualified People Shipping brown truck, pulled over alongside a back road while the crew opens all my packages before delivery.

The LSUV is giving me headaches. Literally. Those springy thingies that hold up the back door have lost their get-up-and-hold. They never were the most stolid of holder-uppers, but at least if I shoved that door up, it stayed. Now it creeps down on my head. And I don't mean ever-so-slowly. If left unmolested, that door will slam shut. When I tried to load my Save-A-Lot boxes, it was like a fine piece of performance art. I opened the door, let it balance on my noggin, and reached for the first box. But then I was on the horns of a dilemma. Should I let go with one hand to push the door higher so I could turn and put in the box? Or should I keep both hands on that heavy box, and coax the door open a smidge more with my head. I opted for the latter. I was a bit like a seal tossing a ball into the air. Only I didn't use my nose, I used the point of my head. Then that ungrateful door slammed down on my shoulders while I was leaning into the cargo hold with Boxy. I called HH, who was Santa-For-A-Day with the Parents As Teachers group. He had already resumed his regular identity of Grouch. He said he would look for some shocks for the back door. No, that's not a euphemism for something naughty. He came home empty-handed, and said all 4 stores he checked were out, so he would get them Monday on the way home from work. Pshaw! If it was something HE needed, he would drive the 20 minutes up there and get it today. But I'm not that important. It doesn't matter that I'm the sole food-buyer and Christmas shopper. I can manage to load my purchases while being cut in half by that gator-mouth. It's my unpaid job, you see.

Oh, and my lunch has grown cold because I got sidetracked by a few things like laundry and dishes and a leaky refrigerator and waiting on my kids hand and foot. At least my pets are fat and sassy, what with the purging of 4 pantry shelves and the bottom of the refrigerator. Did you know that dogs like stale Doritos? And year-old chocolate chip cookies? But not-so-much sprouted Vidalia onions, or Russet potatoes. They waddle as fast as they can every time I open the door, because hey, unlimited food today! They also have a thirst for water. I filled two water dishes. Heh, heh. Thirst for water. I suppose that's where the word 'thirsty' came from, huh?

That's all I have to say. Really.


Stewed Hamm said...

Maybe they would have gone for the produce if you had provided some well-aged ranch dressing for dipping.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Silly me. I threw out my ranch dressing when it was only three years past the expiration date.