The UnParty

It is getting harder and harder to drag myself to the ol' blog these days. My creativity is not flowing. I am not an entertainer. If my blog was a party, y'all would be served some tasty store-brand pretzel sticks and ruffled chips, and perhaps some dip made from sour cream and Hidden Valley Ranch powder, with some baby carrots. Oh, and to wash it down, some Tubz Root Beer, Mountain Holler, and Dr. Thunder. Yep. Save-A-Lot brand soda. The alcoholics would have to bring their own beverages.

My party would have no entertainment. We would sit around a campfire in front of the barn, because the trail down to the MiniMansion by the creek is treacherous in the dark, and the Scout can only haul the driver and two people. If people demanded to be enterained (like with burning torches and tar and feathers), HH could light the field on fire, and we could watch the cats eat the mice running out of the burning meadow. Ahh...good times.

If I was really feeling in a giving mood, I would make gift bags for all guests. These would be brown paper lunch sacks containing the end rolls of toilet paper (in case nature called while sitting around that campfire), an empty Zip Loc bag to save any ticks that you may wrench from your tender flesh, leftover parade candy from last Labor Day that has been stored on the top of my refrigerator, and a Christmas Tree Little Debbie Brownie (because I overestimated my youngest son's love for them when I made my seasonal grocery purchases). Who knows, it might even attact Kathy Griffin. I hear she's all about the gift bag.

The music will be random selections from my Crashy's Media Player. You may get a variety of Tom Petty, Ozark Mountain Daredevils, Sheryl Crow, George Jones, Dolly Parton, Fleetwood Mac, Lucinda Williams, Bellamy Brothers, Randy Travis, Three Dog Night, REO Speedwagon, Bob Seger, Credence Clearwater Revival, Dan Fogelberg, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Porter Wagoner, Conway Twitty, Simon and Garfunkel, Vern Gosdin, Bread, Cat Stevens, The Eagles, Emmylou Harris, Sawyer Brown, John Denver, Bad Company, Liz Phair, Gordon Lightfoot, Lacy J. Dalton, Gretchen Wilson, Sugarland, The Hooters, Supertramp, and of course, Lynyrd Skynyrd. I won't even start with the soundtracks. Ohh...the soundtracks!

OK. Now you know what to expect. A boring, perhaps traumatizing, evening at the Mansion, with crappy food and drink, music more than 10 years old, and a lifetime of nightmares.

Enjoy! That's how I roll.