Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Fine Literature

You are in for a treat tonight. I am going to read to you from the Encyclopedia of Common Knowledge, and also from Teenage Drama in Real Life.

Let's begin with a page ripped from Teenage Drama in Real Life:

I'm not allowed in there. The manager told me.
Why?
Well, first of all, they got it on camera when me and Pal kind of stole some stuff.
What kind of stuff?
There's no need to go into that. That was before we changed.
So what else?
Because I pooped in the urinal.
How'd they catch you?
They didn't catch me. I ran out of there, and they figured I did something.
Did they chase you?
Just out the door, yelling, "What did you DO?"
Did you, like, lean over it, or what?
I just did it.
Why would you do THAT?
I never turn down a dare.
What if someone dared you to drink toilet water?

And now we must put this volume back on the shelf, and take down the Encyclopedia of Common Knowledge.

Hey! Did you know you can drink toilet water? Once you flush it, that water that runs in is CLEAN!
You're kidding, right?
No! It's clean water, like out of the sink.
Dude. You know when you take a poop, and it lays there, and slides down the front until it's in the water? When you flush, that 'clean' water runs down over where the poop slid.
Yeah. And do you always pee just in the water, or do you hit the sides?
Depends on the time. In the morning, I'm lucky to hit the toilet.

Which is just TOO MUCH INFORMATION for Mrs. Hillbilly Mom.
Her thirst for knowledge is quenched on this subject.

6 comments:

Janet said...

Dares are a problem of the "Brooklyn Bridge" variety. No one wants to be considered a wimp, but in some cases, people resort to ridiculous means in order to avoid looking like one.:(

Stewed Hamm said...

See? they're learning life's important lessons already.

Mean Teacher said...

There is a strict "never express yourself, ever" policy in full force at my school, so I haven't got any good "Overheard in the Junior High" episodes yet. It'll happen, I'm sure.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Janet,
Like that 'double dog dare' in A Christmas Story.

Stewtheywontsurviveintherealworld,
I'm not sure there's any learning to be had from their lessons. In fact, I don't know how they survived the lessons. Today they mentioned a crony shooting bottle rockets out his butt. Which is wrong on OH SO MANY levels.

Meanie,
Your day will come. They will be singing like canaries by Christmas time.

Redneck Diva said...

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Boys are so gross.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Diva,
Yes, they are. And I alone know the reason why. If you slice them open (which I'm pretty sure is against the law here in Missouri) you will see that they are full of snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. Which is pretty gross. Almost as gross as seeing all those puppy dogs without their tails, not to mention the snakes that might end up trapped in your window, or those snails that are really just slugs with houses, who would sizzle just the same if you poured salt on their slimy tender parts.