Friday, August 31, 2007

Something's Happenin' Here

I don't know what's been going on around here. Perhaps that total solar eclipse Tuesday morning has something to do with it. Speaking of that...I got up at 4:30 to look at it. There was mostly gray where that big ol' full moon belonged. M-O-O-N! That spells moon! But there was still a white crescent at the bottom. I could see the shadow taking over the moon. I went to get in the shower, thinking how I'd check out the total eclipse when I got out. At 5:10, I went looking for it. The total eclipse was supposed to start here at 4:52 a.m. Imagine my surprise when I could not find the moon. I guess they really meant it about the total eclipse.

My classes were a bit chatty Tuesday and Wednesday. That's the full moon a-talkin'. Thursday, they had settled down. But something was not quite right. I suppose it started with the girl who asked me, dead serious, "You know that little sign you have by your door with the room number on it, and those Braille dots? Well, it's kind of high up. If a blind person really wanted to find this room, how could they reach it in a wheelchair?" The other students looked at each other. They looked at me. They looked back at her. I tried to be gentle. "Umm...just because a person is blind does not mean he's in a wheelchair." She frowned. "Really? I thought all blind people were in wheelchairs."

OK. Now she was fair game. "Do you think that baby birds fall from the sky after the mother gives birth to them while flying? Because another ninth-grader told me that a couple years ago. Apparently she had not heard about that newfangled 'egg theory'." She smirked. "I know that birds come from eggs." The class looked at me expectantly. "All right. You passed that one. Do you know where pickles come from?" She huffed. "Duh! From the garden!" Not so fast, Einstein. "So you know that pickles come from cucumbers?" She snorted. She thought we were all playing a joke on her. The students tried to explain. So she said, "Then what are cucumbers?" Sweet Gummi Mary! It was almost time for lunch. I didn't have time to explain that I Don't Know's on third base.

Little did I know that I was heading out of the frying pan into the fire. I have a different lunch crew than the Salad Days of Mr K. But three of us remain. Sometimes four. Two new ones have appeared. It's a regular think tank these days. Here is what I heard. From five people who shall remain nameless. Mabel may be able to decipher some of it, but I doubt it.

It wasn't that dirty, but it stank really bad, like old people.
Hi. What are you talking about?
Ha, ha.
Hey, when we were in New Orleans, did you go in that voodoo shop?
Of course.
I couldn't believe the stuff they advertised in the shop windows.
Yeah. They left nothing to the imagination.
They made it very clear what they were selling.
Uh huh. They had simulated sex shows.
Did you notice how all the carriages were drawn by mules? I guess the horses couldn't take it.
I love that Budweiser commercial where the guy in the carriage lights a candle, the horse farts, and a big trail of flame shoots past the guy's head.
We followed along behind the Vampire Tour, at quite a distance.
I can't believe how many people had their kids with them on Bourbon Street at 10:00 and 11:00 at night.
Memphis has a lot more bums than New Orleans.

OK. Is it just me, or do these people not respond in a normal conversational manner? It's like popcorn popping. You never know when one will go off, and they're totally unrelated.

After the next lunch shift, one of the teachers walked down the hall proclaiming, "I've got my knife!" A gave her a wide berth. Then a few moments later, a different teacher threw open the teachers' workroom door and exclaimed, "There's no paper! I'm in a hurry, and there's no paper!" I'm not sure if she was referring to copy paper or toilet paper. Methinks me don't want to know.

Oh, yeah. And then a custodian announced that just that very morning, up at the store, he bought a Cub Cadet for $50 from some guy who drove in on it. Seems that the guy used it to drive around town, but he moved and didn't really need it anymore. It didn't have a mower deck, and you have to hot-wire it to get it going, but other than that, it's a perfectly good Cub Cadet. And he's not the one who told me about the deer BBQ at the Chrysler plant.

There's something happenin' here. And what it is ain't exactly clear.


Mean Teacher said...

It WAS a full moon! I knew you'd be informed about the current moon phases. I didn't hear jack squat about the eclipse, and I didn't even need to look at a calendar to know that the moon was full.

As for Memphis having more bums that NOLA, it's true, but it's because NOLA smells so bad the bums can't take it. I hate both of those cities with a passion, but at least New Orleans has some culture that goes beyond a fat guy in a shiny suit and a mile-long line of Chinese people lined up outside his house chanting "I take yo pitcha! We heah to see da kinnnnnng!"

LanternLight said...

I have a different lunch crew than the Salad Days of Mr K.

No cat photos either I'd wager, OH SO PRETTY ONE :-)

And what the heck is a Cub Cadet?

Cazzie!!! said...

Magnetism of the Moon perhaps?

Hillbilly Mom said...

Yes, teachers can predict the moon phases and approaching storms simply by observing their students.

Yes, we have no cat pictures. This crew would not get it. Imagine 5 sticks in the mud. Only two of us have funny bones.

A Cub Cadet is a lawn mower that looks like a little tractor. HH has talked of getting one for years. There are many different models, but methinks this is the kind HH dreams about.

I doubt this is the kind that could be bought for $50, though.

Perhaps. Surely you medical type people see the full moon phenomenon in the ER.

Stewed Hamm said...

Ahem. Eclipses of the M-O-O-N (which spells "big shiny nighttime thing," of course) are lunar eclipses. Eclipses of the Sun are solar eclipses.

Eclipses of the road are Mitsubishis.

LanternLight said...


Doesn't that little ""golf cart thingy" HH purchased, have a lawn motoring attachment?

Extra points if you know what a Power Take Off is.


Hillbilly Mom said...

You are really good with you M-O-O-N comprehension.

No, the little golf cart thingy called the Scout is purely for pleasure. No work is going to come of it. A power take off is...I'm guessing...something to soup up an engine and give it more power? Or something you adjust the other way so the kids can't race the lawnmowers?