Friday, August 24, 2007

Mabel, Butter Jesus, and Grandma

Well. My buddy Mabel pointed out to me that I did not post last night. But she was OH SO HAPPY that I posted an extra one Wednesday night. Duh. I suppose she did not notice that the extra post mentioned Random Thought THURSDAY. Oh well. I did not notice that it did not copy and paste correctly into Thursday, and I did not change the 'options' date to Thursday, so it remains to be seen which one of us is vying for the title of Moron of the Year. Methinks it will be ME. I love to win contests.

Also, I just spent 10 minutes of my valuable time trying to email the Divine Miss M, but alas, she again has committed a fatal error of some sort, and my reply will not go through. So Mabel and I are incommunicado until I try to reach her by Iphone tomorrow. I'm not sure she will take my call. I blew off the Butter Jesus after school, which I suppose does not bode well for me. I was in a hurry to meet my Lower Basementia Mathie buddy for some bar trivia. Not that we drink or anything. We even took the children. Anyhoo, the Butter Jesus was quite impressive for a Butter Jesus. I'm sure the Iphone photos did not do him justice. Nevertheless, the #2 son was awed. But let's remember, a Sticky Hand can entertain him for hours.

I will have to tell you of my Trivia experience tomorrow. I told the story to my mother by mouth, and she laughed until tears ran down her face like perspiration pouring off my boy's sweaty feet. Of course, some might doubt her judgment, what with her questionable behavior of poking her pinky finger with a needle and some Bactine until it was scheduled for amputation. Still, she has a better sense of humor than HH, who apparently was born without a funny bone. But two healthy pinky fingers.

We had a big storm roll through during Trivia. There were warnings for 60 mph winds, but we decided we weren't leaving until we finished the round. It is much less formal than real live Trivia, but it does scratch the Trivia itch quite nicely.

I took the #2 son to my mom's house so we could play in peace. Little did I know what lay in store. Anyhoo, he was excited to go to Grandma's house. He had plans to make his potion that he wrote about in school. Funny thing, the kids can't have Halloween parties or dress up, but they can create potions as a writing assignment. Go figure! His contained a gallon of vinegar, a pound of baking soda, some crayons, some wax, and four pounds of sugar. It would allow you to go forward and backward in time, and make you immortal. Today, he switched the ingredients to a gallon of cold water, a pinch of salt, a teaspoon of sugar, two cans of Sprite, and a can of Caffeine Free Coke. It would let you go forward and backward in time, and see through anything. At least it didn't contain rat tails like a classmate's potion. I told my mom separately that under NO circumstances were they to make a potion and drink it. She has a way of spoiling him and sparing the rod. Hmpf! Which she never did raising me.

Oh, and the boy also said on the way, "Hmm. I'm going to Grandma's. We can mess with my toe." By that he meant the toe that has had a little clear bump on it for a few months, but we can't find anything wrong with it. I thought it was just from his toes rubbing together in his shoes. Until I found out that last time he was at Grandma's, they dug at that toe and squeezed it and picked at it with tweezers and pulled out a piece of splinter. A splinter which I never saw in the toe. My mom probably does that psychic surgery on the side, like where you pull out a piece of liver from somebody's stomach with your bare hands, without even making an incision. I was also not thrilled about the picking and poking and dabbing with Bactine, because HELLO! That was the treatment of FAT RED PINKY FINGER just before the amputation recommendation. Grandma. Can't live with her...can't raise my kids without her.

I hope this post will suffice for one cranky Mabel. I know it's late. That's how I roll. I'm an Aquarian procrastinator.


LanternLight said...

Caffeine Free Coke? That really is the mark of the devil!

Until I found out that last time he was at Grandma's, they dug at that toe and squeezed it and picked at it with tweezers and pulled out a piece of splinter.

There's a school of thought that's it's a good thing that kids get splinters.

Now if only I could go back in time ...

Hillbilly Mom said...

Indeed. Why drink Coke if there's no caffeine?

I've had my share of splinters, but not so many as my dad got that time his climbing doohickeys slipped out of the wood of that telephone pole he was working on, and he had to lay in bed all day with bacon strapped to his chest. Though I do suppose sliding down the pole was better than falling 50 feet. I wonder if he even got a worker's comp settlement out of Ma Bell? I was too young then to fully understand the ramifications of a work-related injury.

Redneck Diva said...

I steer clear of picking out splinters unless it is like, a 2x4 sticking out of an appendage. I mean, anyone would be skittish after the whole Amazing Technicolor Childfoot last year.

Coke without caffeine is an abomination and as Adam Sandler's crazy momma, Kathy Bates said repeatedly in the movie The Waterboy, "It's from the debbil!"

Hillbilly Mom said...

See? I learned MY lesson from Abby's Amazing Technicolor Childfoot. My mom is not very trainable.

I believe Bobby Bouchet's mama also thought Vickie Vallencourt was the Debbil.