Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Three Eats Is As Good As A Feast

I'm tired again, but not so whiny. Although I DO have a complaint. Who knew?

My shoes have eaten my socks. I do not cotton to footcovers having a feast on my hosiery. I figure those darn ol' shoes can go all day without snacking on my apparel, which I donned so gaily this morning, before realizing that it's still quite a while to Christmas time, which took the starch out of my jollyness. Not to worry. I still had wind in my sails and beneath my wings, so I beat feet to school like any other day. It's not like I'm going to wear fancy shoes that require pantyhose, or wear shoes without socks. THEN what would happen when the shoes got hungry? It wouldn't do for the pantyhose to come slithering down Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's sturdy legs throughout the day. And we certainly don't want those darn clodhoppers nibbling on HM's unprotected flesh. That would be OH SO WRONG.

And while we're on the subject of eating inappropriately, I must gloat over the fate of a white pickup truck that follows Mrs. HM's LSUV too closely about twice a week, out the state road, onto the county road, and up the magical gravel road to the Mansion driveway turn-off. Because that dude rides my tail all the way from town, but I get the last laugh. We turn onto a mile of gravel road, people. A gravel road in July and August in Missouri. That cloud of dust my LSUV kicks up obscures Mr. Speedy Demon completely. Heh, heh. That means he is the EATER, and I am the FEEDER. As in "Eat my dust, Speedy!" I love being the feeder instead of the eater! At least I have sense enough to back off when I am the eater. But this guy doesn't. If I slammed on my brakes, he would crash right into my LSUV before he knew what hit me. Well, not really, because my brakes ain't what they used to be, having been replaced by HH, and squealing like banshees at the slightest touch, which makes people stare at me all the live long day. I really should get them checked out, since HH says there is absolutely nothing wrong with them because they are new brakes. Egads! I can't fathom a world where all cars become Screaming Mimis when they are asked to stop.

To finish out our Eating Trilogy, I bring you EATonline. It is a curriculum alignment tool that we have on our school website. It is not nearly so appetizing as it sounds. It is kind of dry, actually, with no sustenance in sight. Yet there it sits, taunting, tempting, mocking the rumbling tummies as we think time and again, "EATonline. I bet we can order takeout or choose a tasty treat to be dispensed out that floppy drive that is OH SO QUICKLY becoming obsolete." But no. It only involves book learnin', and book teachin', and plannin' what teachin' you will be doin' from the book or other resources, to get them kids to learnin', by cracky.

Gotta go. I'm craving a snack.


JustLinda said...

I gave up the socks. I gave up the pantyhose. I'm a loafers-person now, which mean that androngenous women often look at me with interest. But it works for me from a laundry and annual cost standpoint.

Hillbilly Mom said...

That will happen when you wear sensible shoes. Thank the Gummi Mary that a crazed woman has not followed YOU around the Save A Lot, stroking your arm, asking if you have a husband, and telling you that you are SO PRETTY. Not that there's anything wrong with that.