Thursday, August 30, 2007

Random Thought Thursday

It's time for the second edition of Random Thought Thursday. I like it. I really like it. I have to keep from doing it every day. Because that's how my mind works: randomly. Not as randomly as my new lunch crew, who seem to be a support group for ADD sufferers. But that tale will have to wait until tomorrow. I've been storing these randomocities all week, but today I hit the jackpot. So tomorrow I will put that mess in order. Here, now, the random week of HM.

While you're waiting in line at McDonalds, having had to toss the phone to your co-pilot because you needed both hands to turn, and your mama is a phonelingerer, and your HH calls to chat about how he told off the people who bill us for his breather, nevermind that his little pronouncement cost us about $111, and you are taking the change from the window-dweller, a fly will zoom right into your nose, hard enough to give you whiplash, but thank the Gummi Mary it didn't go IN your nose, like the one that flew up your next-door neighbor's mom's nose when you were 8, and she pushed one nostril closed with her finger, and snorted like a woman possessed, causing you to stare at her, even though your own mama told you that it's not nice to stare.

When you have not one minute to spare, what with grading papers, recording scores, getting your sub folder ready, gathering all of last week's assignments for a homebound student, finding two tests to copy, printing new seating charts, and eating a single pack of sixlets--the custodian will pick that time to sit on a desk and chat, and an administrator will drop in after school just to say hi.

When you have two insurances, they will both decide that you need the generic medication even though you have been on the other for four years now, and the pharmacy will simply fill your refill with the generic, and tell you that it's exactly the same, even though when you take it for two days, your body knows that it is NOT the same, and when you ask to get the old prescription again, the pharmacy will tell that it will cost you more, like DUH, of course it will be $25 instead of $4, but you will be alive, but then the tech says, "No, I mean they will charge you MORE than that", which doesn't really seem fair, what with two insurances, and that being the price you had paid for four years, but if you call your doctor and have him write a NEW prescription that says 'Dispense as written' everything will go back to normal, though how the pharmacy and insurance could change you to the generic without consulting the doctor is kind of a mystery to me, since it was NOT a new prescription, but merely the 3rd refill on a six-month prescription.

You can never tell the blue socks from the black until you get to school and see that you have made a horrible sock-coordinating faux pas.

If you run copies of your tests the day before, so you can have them all ready to go when you rush in from parking lot duty at the tardy bell the next morning, you will mistakenly hand out the 'Biology' test to your 'Physics' class, and though you pass it out to seven of them, not a one of them says "BOO" or anything else to let you know your unfortunate test-giving faux pas, and you have to make up some lame excuse about not having time to lay them out this morning because you had parking lot duty.

If you ONE TIME ONLY leave your phone turned on in case one of your kids gets lost at the wrong building when you are called to a faculty meeting right after school, your HH will choose this time to call and shoot the poo with you, even though he never, ever calls before 4:20 (and what's up with that, I ask). When that little outdated phone starts singing "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You" in Winona Judd's voice, people will stare.

Some person formerly known as dull and boring the last time you socialized with him (H) can be quite entertaining if he is supposed to be quiet. Like telling our adopted whipping girl, after H did something odd, "I'm doing crack with you", thus setting me up for the line, "Don't let that bother you. He's doing crack with you, not at you."

When you go back to the pharmacy after jumping through the hoops, the clerk will not be able to find Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's prescription, even though she looks in the 'H' drawer for 'Hillbilly', and she will look twice while the others tell her, "I just saw it in there" and then the older clerk will flounce over and pick it out for her, and when she rings it up and you tell her, "It's a debit" as you scan your card, just as you've done 200 times before, she will ring it as a credit card, and get a bit put out when you tell her you want it on the debit so as not to get a credit card bill that you will probably toss in the trash because HELLO you never, ever use that card for credit, and another clerk will tell you, "I always use MY debit for credit, and I don't get a separate bill", making you want to say, "Thanks for sharing, chick, but nobody was talkin' to you" and while you're debating on whether to let this voice out of your head, the actual pharmacist will tell you, "I said that you were on vacation to get this prescription from your insurance, because the only choices they gave me were: lost, stolen, vacation" and you reply to her, "I need a vacation" and she says, "You and me BOTH!"

Sometimes the best choice of words is left at the starting gate. I will now set the stage for yet another episode of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom Embarrasses Herself Once Again. I had written some questions on the board. I told the class that we had that info last week, and they may keep seeing it throughout the year. It is important. It may be on other tests here and there. "In fact," I told them pompously, "I may keep throwing it up all year long."

Thank you. I'll be here all week.

3 comments:

Cazzie!!! said...

LOL, he's doing crack with you not at you..that got me laughing!

Mean Teacher said...

Pharmacies let their techs get away with being bitc#es because they're so hard to train that by the time they get one goodnbrokein, they figure they may as well let her stay, even if she proves to be mildly retarded.

I hate it when I give my kids something to do and they say "We did this yesterday and you took it up!"

Sometimes I think I have Alzheimer's. I am really trying to cut back on the Diet Coke in case that aspartame is the culprit.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Cazzie,
Yeah, I thought it was so funny that I could hardly say it without laughing. He gave me the perfect set-up.

Meanie,
This one was not the brightest lightning bug in the jar. Say it isn't so about the Diet Coke!