Procrastination Central

Trivia Night must go on without me. I do not feel like playing tonight. Those nagging taxes are not done, and this is my last chance. I would like to ride the old people's bus to the casino next Saturday, so it's now or never. It's just a matter of writing in and subtracting. I have all the info together and organized. It's just a formality, really. I'm surprised that Uncle Sam doesn't just send my refund without me filing.

Here's a horror story for you. My mom gave her taxes to her accountant six weeks ago. The accountant she always uses. Every week, she would remark, "I'm surprised Norman hasn't gotten my taxes back to me. I called to see if there was something they needed, and the girl said 'No'." Mom hates to be a bother, unless she is doing something for one of us kids. Last week, she finally called back. The girl put her on hold for a long time. Then she came back and said, "Oh, it's a good thing you called. We finally found your taxes on the shelf where we put the ones that are waiting for more information. I don't know why we put it there." So now Mom has her taxes, and she is getting ready to mail them in. She says there are about 25 pages. Sweet Gummi Mary! I think the most mine has ever had is 5 or 6. And that's the regular 1040 with Schedule A. Who knew my mom was as crafty as Bill Clinton. Though I don't think she's reached the million mark yet. I told her after that 6-week layover, and the girl telling her, "You might want to send that certified mail. You know, with the problem they have getting the mail sometimes," that old accountant should waive her fee. My mom said, "Well, he didn't. I paid a pretty penny for it, too." OK, she didn't actually use the term 'pretty penny', but whatever she said meant the same thing. Which for her, probably means it cost her $20.

I don't know about the certified mail route. I think that would complicate matters. Anyway, I mailed mine one year on April 14. And the next day, April 15, the envelope showed up in MY mailbox on my own front porch. That was when we lived in town, two blocks from the Post Office. Seems that I had only put one stamp on it, and two were needed. So I drove those two blocks and re-mailed my taxes on April 15. Not as bad as my dad, though, who used to drive his taxes to town for mailing at 11:45 p.m. on April 15.

We'll see how my Trivia team does without me. I think they will fare well. I am not as smart as people think I am, but smarter than my students want me to be.