Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Darker The Humor, The Sweeter The Laugh

This is not a fluffy, feel-good blog. Even my son says I have a cold, cold heart. But I DO have a sense of humor. That makes up for it, no?

One of my classes brought up the Florida gang of girls who beat up an ex-cheerleader. I would never do such a thing. But I understand. OK, that's just borrowing a bad joke from Chris Rock. Only he said it about wife-beating. So in case you haven't heard, this little group of girls was mad at the beatee because she put something on You-Tube that they didn't like. So one of them called her up and said she would come and get her and they would hang out. They went to someone's grandma's house. Granny wasn't home at the time. What a coincidence, huh? And this girly gang smacked poor Beatee up one side and down the other. She didn't fight back, either, in the clip I saw from CNN. She tried to get away. And while a vicious chick was pummeling Beatee by the front door, a voice in the background shrilled, "Watch the cabinet! Don't hit the cabinet!" Yeah. It was a glass case holding glass trinkets. Anyhoo, poor Beatee took a beatin' which kept repeatin'. At one point, she lapsed unconscious. In the end, she was rendered deaf in one ear, and blind in one eye. But she survived. The others, from 14 to 18, had mug shots on TV, with one channel not even blanking out their minor faces. Must have been FOX. But that's beside the point.

This is not funny. Not in any way. Nobody deserves to take a beating like that. But, my class, it was funny. They are some warped puppies, that group. One of them started it all. She said, "Oooh, that makes me mad. That girl needs to murder them!" Okaaaayyy. But that set me off. "Just think, she might be beating them, and near death, they would whimper, 'Please don't kill me...please don't kill me...' And she would be like, putting her hand up to her ear, and saying, 'Huh? What's that? I can't hear you. I'm deaf in that ear.' Or if she was cutting up a snack, and someone came up and startled her, and the knife went into them, she might say, 'Oh. I'm so sorry I stabbed you. That's my blind side. I didn't see you.' Oh, the bad luck! They would have been OK if they hadn't deafened and blinded her."

I would be worried about getting in trouble, but I doubt anyone from this group will tell anybody who cares. This was very mild for that class. The ones who told a girl with an unsightly blemish on her chin, "Man, that thing is HUGE! I hope you don't drop dead, because that's going to need its own coffin."

Anybody care to invest in my handbasket factory?


Tina said...

Ummm...HM ain't heard about the students who beat up their teacher yet? Ut-oh.
Forget I even mentioned it. I wouldn't want to be at fault for fouling your mood.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Oh, I heard about it all right. In fact, I told my freshmen about it. They were shocked! Especially about the part where the kids had everybody's duties planned out, like one to cover the windows, and one to clean up afterward.

I told my students that I was fairly confident that no group of 3rd graders could overpower me. Just in case I needed a strategy, one them said, "First, you could take those handcuffs away when they try to put them on you, then WHACK THE KIDS ACROSS THE FACE WITH THEM.

Good to know MY students are looking out for me, and not trying to kill me.

Tina said...

Oh, I didn't mean the spawn of Freddie Krueger devil children (he's quite prolofic!) who planned to actually kill their teacher - I mean the one that actually got beat up by her student: Teacher Attacked By Student

Me thinks HM is spending way too much time on her work and not enough on random news. For shame.

DPA said...

I'm a stockholder in Hillbilly Handbaskets.

That story about the 3rd graders shocked me too. I'm pretty sure 3rd graders couldn't take me down. Now, if my 8th graders made up their mind to do it and managed to get organized, I might be screwed. But they can't stop fighting long enough to organize anything, so I'm safe.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I just saw Teacher Takes A Beatin' this morning on CNN, or maybe FOX. One must be careful not to jump to conclusions that pre-meditated murder is involved every time students are filmed attacking their teacher.

We must not outsource the handbaskets to China. Under any circumstances.

I second your emotion that you are safe from a plotted pummeling or murder. But you might want to get a taster to precede you through the lunch line, what with your most recent encounter with Parents Whose Children Do No Wrong.