Monday, April 7, 2008

Peace Talks

The Hillmomban Peace Talks were initiated last night, up on the hill by the junior Hillbillies' land. HH had snuck off up there, leaving no forwarding address. When he returned, bragging of the new detente, Mrs. Hillbilly Mom was skeptical. Just Saturday, upon returning from the St. Louis Cardinal's game, passing by NoMan'sLand, the #1 son reported that The Shootist had waved to them. "It's clearly a trap," I said. "He's biding his time, waving us into submission, and then he will strike in the summer when the firearm is hot." The boy disagreed. "I think he is just old and can't see very well. Dad says the old man has forgotten what Dad looks like, and didn't recognize us."

HH told the tale when he returned. "I rode up there to see what was going on. The old guy came out and waved to me. He said, 'I want to apologize for how I acted. I'm a drinkin' man. I had too many that day, and my old lady was on me to clean up the mess. I'm a nice guy. I normally don't act that way. Those deputies came up here, and one of them was OK. The little one was mouthy. I didn't like his attitude. They hauled me to jail. It cost me $1500 for bail, and $1000 for a lawyer. That's my own fault. I'm sorry about what I did."

Hmm...HH couldn't leave well-enough alone. The Shootist offered to take him on a tour of his manufactured home, and HH went in! Do you hear that music from the original Halloween movie tinkling in your head? I do. They could have done anything, once they lured in common-sensically-challenged HH. They could have skinned him to make a flesh suit. They could have eaten his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti. We didn't know he was there. It could have been months before he was found. Probably from a rank odor emanating from our property. But everything turned out OK, and now HH has a new best friend.

"He asked if he could cut down those two cedar trees that are growing right by his driveway, so I told him go ahead, as long as they fell on HIS side." HH is so magnanimous. He even told The Shootist, "Now, if you had asked me back then to store some stuff on my land while you moved in, I would have said OK." Yes, they are starting a new chapter of The Mutual Admiration Society. I wouldn't be surprised if they make a standing date to build a feeder for unicorns and sit under the rainbow crocheting toilet paper cozies.

Hillmomba is the new Canada.


The Unrepentant Gallivanter said...

So, are you going to start spelling everything with superfluous and pretenious U's? Are you going to make your kids play football with only 3 downs on some weird sized square field? Are you going to have some crazy bilingual law where everything has to be in 2 languages, except in Quebec where English signs are illegal?
You know what I think? Canada needs MORE hillbillies. They would open up a can of W.A and get it sorted out!!!!

Hillbilly Mom said...

Sorry, I can't answer that just now. You have given me THE MOST SCATHINGLY BRILLIANT IDEA for my next post.