Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Hillbilly Mom's Latest Vice

HM has a new rough mistress who beckons her from around the corner on the dark, deserted street. Beckons her from the basement lair while she cooks supper, from the classroom in broad daylight, from the very rooftops of Hillmomba. Forget sweet, sweet Histinex, and Hot & Sour Soup, and especially Sonic Cherry Diet Coke. Dare we speak the name of this new illicit love? Dare we? Of course we do.

She goes by the name of Sweet Lime Diet Coke. OK. It's a made-up name. For a made-up drink. Made up in my kitchen about 15 minutes ago. It goes a little somethin' like this: put about half a glass of ice bought from Save-A-Lot or Citgo in one of the giant clear plastic cups HH bought you for Christmas last year. Squeeze in a buttload of fake RealLime bought in a plastic grenade-shaped thingy from Save-A-Lot. A real RealLime will do in a pinch, if you feel like dealing with the Devil. Then dump in about two tablespoons of sugar from the blue plastic cannister that you try to sabotage so the #1 son doesn't get into it each evening when it's HH's turn to watch him. Insert a long red straw from Sonic. Call for Your Little Pony to come fetch the sugary future concoction and pack it down to your basement lair. When you get down there, send The Pony to the basement mini-fridge for a can of Diet Coke. Not the cans with the $5 Off Six Flags Tickets printed on them, as they are from last summer, and kind of skunky now, and to be avoided but not thrown away. Pour the Diet Coke in the glass. VOILA! Your magical elixir is ready for sipping.


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