Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I'm Somewhat Ill

I think I got a bad noodle. All afternoon, I have not been well. The school lunch of cheeseburger mac, green beans, hot rolls, and chocolate milk looked pretty good at my regular lunch time of 10:53. It even tasted good going down. But by 1:00, that elbow macaroni was trying to elbow its way out of Mrs. Hillbilly Mom's belly. By any exit available. If you know what I mean.

Those of you who are not teachers do not quite understand the seriousness of this issue. You can not simply walk out of a class and leave the responsible youth of America unattended. Something untoward might occur. A poster may fall off the wall and slice somebody's jugular. Pencils might stab. And what about that kid one time who fell out of his desk right in front of me? OK, there were two of those, years apart. One poor fellow had an epileptic seizure because he hadn't taken his medicine in five days. The other had taken too much of some medicine that was not his and was not permitted at school, so he earned himself a 180 day vacation. Oh, and I certainly don't want some girl turning up pregnant and claiming, "Well, remember that time that Mrs. Hillbilly Mom left us alone in the classroom for 5 minutes...?"

I managed to stop the mass exodus from one of the exits. Use your imagination. I even made the other evacuation orderly and timely, at the beginning and end of my planning period. But after school I was so miserable that I did not even stop for PowerBall tickets. I could not even drive my spawn through McDonald's. I had to send the young 'uns in to buy food at the counter. I refused to even eat the pickle out of The Pony's cheeseburger.

Upon arriving at the Mansion, I grabbed a Yu-gi-0h blanket and reclined in the recliner, even though the ambient temperature struck 74 degrees. After watching some Popely footage on the news networks, I gathered strength enough to open a can of soup. Not the Slow Cooked Roast With Mushrooms. Sweet Gummi Mary! The mere thought of that makes my stomach flip. No, I tried the Chunky Sirloin Burger With Country Vegetables. It is minding its manners so far.

I knew I should not have commented on DPA's The Cafeteria Lady Is Trying To Poison Me post. I think those cooks have an underground network.


The Unrepentant Gallivanter said...

It's something in the mac. I remember as a kid walking back from the lunch room on that day each week. There would always be at least one pile of that stuff on the sidewalk where some kid(s) ralphed it up. (One reason why I NEVER ate it!)
Live and learn....hope you feel better!

DPA said...

Oh, dear. You've made their list, I see. I hope the elbow macaroni stays down. Or in. Or comes out peacefully at a convenient time.

If I didn't have teachers nearby who would keep an eye on my classes, I'd have had an accident long ago. My stomach tends to be unpredictable, what with my semicolon. And it's gotten better lately, but until THIS WEEK, my #1 potty trips had tripled since the beginning of the pregnancy. I'm sure it'll be worse when I'm 8 months and my bladder is mashed down to the size of a fig. God bless the adjoining classroom setup. I hope I'm next to some understanding ladies next year.

Hillbilly Mom said...

This was only the second time I ate it. And maybe the last.

I have no lifeline. I am on the other side of the double steel doors that slam shut during a fire. I'm right by the cafeteria and boiler room. Guess who's going up in flames first. BUT, I am the closest classroom to the bathrooms and teacher workroom, by cracky.