Saturday, December 29, 2007

HM Bores The Pants Off

I am at a loss for words today. It doesn't happen often. Enjoy it while you can. Nothing of interest has happened. I spent the day reading and watching 'Heartbreakers' and 'Girl, Interrupted' on TV. They were on at the same time, so I had to switch to the one with the most interesting part at the time. I will say that both lost a little entertainment value to TV censorship. Just sayin'...

Let's see just how boring I am today. Feel free to comment on my boringness.
I'll get us started: I'm as boring as...

* a 50-minute lecture on standard deviation from the norm

* a 9-year-old's recap of an entire Tom and Jerry movie

* HH's description of how the gap was off on the machine that cuts the teeth into the bands of steel to make them saw blades, right down to the last millimeter, and what he did to fix it

* the index of an Earth Science textbook

* a 6th-grader's sick day spent at Grandma's, wrapped in a quilt and seated in a rocker in front of the fireplace so that one side sizzles and one side freezes, in a house with no cable, no magazines, and no books, with a lunch menu of head cheese on sourdough bread sandwiches, home-canned beets, and cottage cheese with canned peaches for desert

* a 10,000-piece jigsaw puzzle of a seascape and sky

* a two-hour radio analysis of the President's state-of-the-union address

* a 50-minute drownproofing test in the 12-foot end of a college swimming pool, where the rules are that you can not touch the side or the bottom, and must keep your face in the water except to get a breath every now and then, and if you don't pass the test, you either fail the class, or you drown

* a night-time drive across western Kansas

* a Friday afternoon lecture in a Wildlife Biology class that meets from 3:00 to 4:00, where to topic is "Identifying Bird Calls"

Ho hum. I'm going to call it a night.


Redneck Diva said...

I totally had a panic attack reading about the downproofing test. I'd drown for sure. Since I can't swim and even reading about putting my face in 12-foot water makes me have a panic attack.

Hillbilly Mom said...

If it ain't ANOTHER lost lamb returning to my fold! Sorry. I've still got Dan Fogelberg's death on my mind.

Surprisingly enough, that drownproofing test was OH SO RELAXING. I, too, had a phobia of putting my face in the water. And also of heights, and 12-foot-deep water is just height under the surface, you know. In fact, I had to take BEGINNING SWIMMING twice to get my required college credit.

But by the time I had to take this test, I had been swimming laps every day. That's EVERY day, even though the class only met twice a week. I actually went to the pool on my own and swam laps WITH MY FACE UNDERWATER. Calm your racing heart. I don't know if I could do it now. But back then, I had de-sensitized myself to it. Lucky for me, I floated much better than the muscular males, who had to thrash their way back to the top from 11 feet below. Because they were not allowed to touch bottom, you know.

This was during the time of my Coors Light costume, so I didn't have a lot to float with, but certainly more that those poor boys. Now, I would bob like a cork. I might not even be able to keep my face under. But back then, I would take a deep breath, put my face in, slowly exhale, then push slightly with my outstretched 'dead man's' arms while raising my head ever-so-slightly for another breath, then repeat. For about eleventy-billion times. The trick was not to push too hard, or you would bob deeper under the water after your breath. And I didn't want that. LAWS, NO! So anyway, I even had my eyes open, watching those boys thrash their way back to the surface.

I'm quite proud of passing my drownproofing test.