Wednesday, December 26, 2007

HM Whines Some More

Remember when I told you how HH always manages to horn in on our holidays? Like last May, when he decided to contract the flu virus in May, specifically, the week we got out of school for summer vacation? Well, now that his two-day vacation of Christmas eve and Christmas day is over, he has decided to contract a strep infection. Uh huh. Leave it to HH. He breathed that breather on me all night. I even put a pillow over my head, hoping those ol' bacteria would land on it instead of being sucked down into my tender alveoli. I don't think that plan worked.

This morning, HH moaned and groaned and asked me to feel his forehead right before he went to work. The MOMometer said HH had a fever. I, myself, had a medical appointment at 10:00, so I got up early and called to return #1 son's broke-down gift, and showered and woke the kids and laid out their clothes. HH called and said he was coming right back home because his bosses didn't want him in the plant. In fact, he got home right before we left, signaling The Pony to whine that he didn't see why he had to go with me, because DAD was home to watch him.

I know what kind of Dad-watching goes on. The child would be on his own, only acting as an unpaid butler. HH does not think he has any responsibilities when he's sick. He had to come home and go to bed until he could get a doctor's appointment. Oh, he's OH SO SICK. He's the first man in the world ever to have strep throat. I called later to ask the diagnosis and if he got any medicines. HH reported that he got some cough medicine (even though he doesn't have a cough) and '500 milligrams'. That's all he knew. I was curious if it was an antibiotic. HH didn't know. It was 500 milligrams. I suppose he thinks that means he's really sick and taking strong medicine. Oh, and he says the doctor wants him to take the cough medicine twice a day. That's a mystery to me. I questioned him some more. "The doctor said he wants me to sleep, and the cough medicine has codeine in it, so he wants me to take it twice a day. That means morning and night." Hmm...why would he want to take that in the morning? HH explained that when doctors tell you twice a day, they mean at regular intervals, like morning and night. Duh. I think that is with ANTIBIOTICS, which need to keep a fairly constant level in your bloodstream. I've never heard of taking cough medicine in the morning as soon as you get up so you can go back to sleep. I'm thinking maybe he meant in the evening and later that night if you wake up coughing or can't sleep. But I'm funny that way. Then HH said, "Well, he said I probably shouldn't drive to work if I'm taking the cough medicine." I see his scam, now.

And furthermore, when I asked a goofy HH how he was taking his cough medicine, he said, "With a teaspoon." You know, like silverware. Even though on the countertop right by the silverware drawer is a little plastic measuring medicine cup thingy from The Pony's medicine. HH declares that all silverware teaspoons hold the same amount, 'a teaspoon', because they are pressed in a mold. Never mind that on his cough medicine label is a sticker that says taking too much of a dose could result in severe breathing problems. And HH has already said he had trouble breathing all last night with his breather.

Can you see me throwing up my hands at HH's wisdom? It isn't enough that he's going to lie around the Mansion like he's on his deathbed, doing absolutely nothing, expecting me to wait on him hand and foot, even though when I was put on bed rest for a week in my 7th month of pregnancy with The Pony, HH took off a week of work to 'help me' and left me alone in the house every day with a three-year-old while he went hunting AND told me "You ain't the first woman ever to have a baby" as well as, "By 'bed rest', I don't think the doctor meant that you couldn't stand at the sink to wash dishes and cook supper." No. Now he's going to overdose on the codeine, too.

Sorry. Bitterness makes HM write run-on sentences. I have been feeling poorly all day. I don't exactly have a sore throat. It is sore down in my lower neck approaching my right lung. I get a bit wheezy when I exert myself. Like when I had to leave the movie theater to go out to the LSUV for my coat, because I was FREEZING, and didn't warm up until the end of National Treasure 2, which has a running time of 2:04.

Thank the Gummi Mary I had some Hot & Sour Soup for supper. This is the best I have felt all day. I think that stuff is a strep-fighter. Thanks to Gummi Mabel as well. She gave me the bestest Christmas present ever: a gift certificate for Hot & Sour Soup. And in case anybody is wondering, I heated up some Chunky Chicken Noodle Soup for HH's supper. Not that he would have done the same for me. And don't think I'm holdin' out on the Hot & Sour. HH does not like it. Perhaps that's why he's so sickly.

I can't remember when I have taken off work for having a cold. Oh, yes I can. NEVER! But then, I didn't take my codeine in the morning, either.


Marshamarshamarsha said...

Sorry to hear about your hubby being sick. I too know who really suffers when the hubby is sick, and it is so not him. Mine used to get bronchitis and pneumonia twice a year, one of them being Christmas-time. He is soooooo melodramatic and would sucker the nurse-practitioner he went to so that he would get not only the cough medicine and anitbiotics but an inhaler and pain medication (lortab or vicodin) for his coughing and some other medication--oh yeah, for nausea. I really feel for you.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I hope HH doesn't read this. He does not need to take lessons from the master. The worst two things he's done are schedule a vasectomy during my 9th month of pregnancy, leaving me to lift the 3-year-old in and out of the van; schedule neck surgery to put some plates in a disk on December 23. Meaning we had to get him home from the hospital and cater to him on Dec. 24, leaving Santa to do a lot of heavy lifting alone.

Wow! Vicodin for a respiratory ailment. My surgeon only gave ME 20 generic vicodin after (DUH) surgery. And to think I feel guilty once a year when I get a cold and have to ask my doctor to call in some Histinex. Sweet, sweet Histinex...

Marshamarshamarsha said...

Hilarious. He has her conned, I tell you. My hubby also hada vasectomy--one week before our boy was born. Had a wee bit of trouble with one of his "buddies." Seems it didn't want to come out to see the doc. Took the doc an hour and a half to get the supposedly 15-30 minute procedure done. Hubs spent 3 weeks on the couch with an ice pack on his package and his feet on pillows. When the baby came a week after his wings were clipped, the anesthesiologist didn't show up, I had that boy without any sort of medicinal help, and I only took Tylenol afterwards and refused the lortabs (insane, I know). My hubs is a kitty cat, I believe.

Hillbilly Mom said...

You've got me beat, but I've got to relay this bit of info. I had both my boys without anesthesia. I'll take the blame for the second one, because I stopped to do a load of laundry before heading to the hospital. But the first one is HH's fault.

My labor pains became regular on a Sunday evening, right after The Simpsons went off. I called HH, who was visiting with an 80-year-old friend. He saw no reason to rush home, even though he was just two blocks away. "It's your first. They take a while." That's from Dr. HH. When he came home, I had the bag packed and was ready. He said, "I may be there a while. I need to take a shower." Then he packed himself a bag of extra shoes and some snacks. In the meantime, I stood hunched over the kitchen table. It was too uncomfortable to sit or stand.

By the time we got to the hospital, it was after 11:00 p.m. They told me I was dilated too far for a spinal. Oh, and the kid was delivered face-up, after 14 hours of labor, which explains the excruciating back pain.

All night long, HH and the nurse assigned to me, who I will name Mrs. Grim, looked at each other over my head and rolled their eyes. At one point, HH asked her to turn up the heat; he was cold. Then he took a bit of a nap in a rocking chair. Then he ate a couple Milky Ways in front of me. He seemed to forget all that labor coaching stuff we had attended classes for.

After the delivery, HH went out and brought my mom and dad into the delivery room, just as the OB was stitching me up. "Hold on, now!" exclaimed the doctor. "Let's have a little privacy."

HH still swears I over-reacted. "You ain't the first woman ever to have a baby," he declares.

Marshamarshamarsha said...

Oh my Lord. With the first one, Randy, who gave me the epidural, told me I shouldn't be able to feel it when he pinched me. I begged to differ. He gave me another shot and pranced his snotty little self off to unknown parts. When the girl finally decided to come out, like yours face-first with the excruciating back pain, the nurse was pissed off because I wasn't pushing hard enough to please her. Mainly because I couldn't feel anything at all. The nurse told me to push hard like when I took a poop. Seriously. I don't know what kind of issues she had going on but I have never had problems like that and hopefully won't, God willing. Oh, and my hub sat over in the corner, up against the wall where I couldn't see anything but his leg jiggling up and down while my mother kept screaming at him, "Look what you did, you Asshole!"

Hillbilly Mom said...

3 Times a Marsha,
Yep. Those sunny-side up babies are a pain in the back!