Let It Snow

I wish the weather outside was a bit more frightful. Our snow is sorely lacking in the delightful department. In fact, we didn't even have any snow until around 2:00 this afternoon. The kids jumped up at the crack of 8:30, ran to the door, and sighed. They have trust issues with meteorologists now. I hope those news stations are proud. We are waiting again tonight for our 8 inches that were promised.

I tried to wrap some Christmas gifts today, but that was kind of hard, what with no nametags or bows. HH had chastised me about the wrapping paper earlier this month. According to him, we had a tractor trailer full of wrap on the duck. That's what HH calls the ductwork, where he piles things he doesn't want to deal with. If a robber tries to sneak in through our ductwork, he'll end up all pretty and gift-wrapped when it collapses. But without a bow or nametag. I bought three new rolls anyway. I should have listened to that little voice in my head that said to buy nametags.

My Little Pony was supposed to have his Christmas program tonight at 7:00. I asked him if it was still on. He said he didn't know. A bit later, he mentioned that he didn't see me at the high school because his class didn't come over to practice Friday as scheduled. He said, "We're going to practice on Monday instead." Yet he couldn't explain why they would practice Monday if the program was still scheduled for Saturday night. I threw up my arms and sent him out to the LSUV to get his backpack. Then the mystery was solved. HH was flabbergasted that the cancellation was not announced on the radio. I suppose we should comb through the backpack more carefully.

The #1 son had his program Thursday night. I missed Survivor. But I saw a commercial that showed Denise as one of the final four. She's my pick to win, but I think she's a bit too weak in competitions and a bit too congenial with everyone to make it to the final two. They tend to select people with more enemies. Anyhoo, about the program...one song featured the kids making hand motions. It was not by any stretch of the imagination American Sign Language. It was like when your mom has laryngitis and is trying to yell at you with her arms. Friday morning, when it was time for #1 to stop lollygagging and get ready, I did my own little sign language. I'm the regular MAD TV of moms, ridiculing everything that suits my fancy. In fact, HH calls me a smarta$$. And not endearingly. Back to my message...I pointed to my eye, and to #1, and circumscribed a little clock and put my forearm in it as a ticking second hand, and pointed to his clothes, and pantomimed pulling on a shirt and pants. My boy laid sideways across the next-best recliner, his head lolling over the arm of the chair. His look said it all. He did not even need to move his arms. The message came through loud and clear: "You are an idiot." But I did see the corners of his mouth quiver. Uh huh. That's what I'm talkin' about. I declare myself the funniest mom in the world.

Because Kathy Griffin doesn't have kids.