Monday, December 24, 2007

'Twas The Night

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the Mansion
The rooms had been dozed
For a predicted toy expansion.

The stockings were hung by the electric fake fireplace
And behind the Christmas tree with care,
Because HH was the hanger,
And please believe me, you don't even want to go there.

The children were nestled in front of their electronic doodads,
While visions of sugarplums would have made them shout, "Egads!"
And I in my sweatpants and HH in his tighty-whities
Had called a holiday truce from our plethora of fighties.

When out on the porch there arose such a baur baur baur,
HH wished he'd moved those doghouses from the house way more far.
Out onto the porch HH flew in a flash,
Lest a tool-burglar at his BARn steal part of his stash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Is too poetic a line for Mrs. HM, you know.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But HH in a Santa suit with the head of a deer.

This Santa was not even remotely lively, or quick.
Don't forget it was HH, who's not exactly St. Nick.
As bald as an eagle, he called out our names.
We're lucky he remembered, he's usually so lame.

Hey Pony, hey One-Son, hey HM, hey 'billies
Let's unwrap those gifts before I have to take my pillies.
We ripped at the presents, the paper, it flew.
"Here's one from you to me, and one from me to you!"

HH spoke not a word, but trudged out to his Scout
The deer-head in hand, the one he's been talkin' about.
Since November, he's begged for that flea-market find.
It's the only present this year for which he has pined.

And laying his finger aside of his nose,
HH blew a snot rocket clear down to his toes.
And I heard him exclaim 'ere he drove out of sight,
"I'm hangin' this in my Mini-Mansion, like I said that I might."


Merry Christmas from HM, HH, and the young'uns!


Brian said...

Merry Christmas!

Mary said...

A more poetic justice I could not have done for Xmas myself. Very must some good book learnings there Mrs. HM. Where'd ya'll go to schooling?

Hope you have a bang up Xmas day
And "Santa" HH and his deer head don't fly in the sleigh
But you'd hear them proclaim as they drove out of sight
That deer head makes a great hood ornament any day or night

Later, tater.....Beaner

Hillbilly Mom said...

Merry Christmas. I haven't been commenting, but I've still been reading!

Why, just like yourself, I went to Kathleen Turner U in Brad Pitt City. No wonder we're so dramatic!

HH has already mounted his deer head, so to speak. He has another deer remnant, a skull-in-the-making, drying itself of it's meat products so he can hang it on the OUTSIDE wall of his shanty. It would make a better hood ornament than the furry head. The dogs drug it into the yard, and HH took it away from them. If you have a baby with candy, steer clear of HH.

Mary said...

Whatchu talkin' 'bout? I went to John Goodman U in the "Queen City".
Thanks for the warning...I shall never have candy or a child for that matter while being in the presence of HH.
Enjoy your "winter break" aka xmas vacation, but I'm all about the political correctness of it all, ya know.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Yes, it's good to be politically correct in the Queen City, renowned for its plethora of Bible colleges. It wouldn't do to show up on the news for patronizing a business of ill repute located right across the street from such a college. That's why we took YOUR car.

Stewed Hamm said...

That thar is some epic poetry. Like that "Homeboy" guy they made us read in High School.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I assume you mean that one guy who wrote about that Odd guy and his travels and battles and the suitors who ate him out of house and home while he was gone. Mr. K, my cat-lovin' buddy, who carried a picture of one in his wallet, made it assigned reading for freshmen. Now THAT was a trip. The kids didn't understand why it didn't rhyme, even though I told them it was translated from Greek.

Redneck Diva said...

Oh Hillbilly Mom, how I have missed you.

My favorite line was when HH blew the snot rocket. 'Round here we call that "Okie blowing."

Merry late Christmas!

Hillbilly Mom said...

I been a-missin' you, too. Where's that Do-Rag look you sported for so long? I've become accustomed to your rag-head.

Thank the Gummi Mary, HH has not yet taken up the sport of Okie Noodling.