Friday, December 7, 2007

Random Thought Thursday On Friday

From the people who brought you jumbo shrimp, boneless ribs, current history, even odds, working vacations, live recording, tight slacks, second best, retired workers, and plastic silverware ...a memo was drafted to Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Seems that Random Thought Thursday was found missing yesterday.

Now, on with the boring entertainment.

The office sent a worker to me at the lunch table to ask if I was putting up a Christmas tree. Wait a minute! They can't ask that! What if I don't celebrate Christmas? Oh. What's that, you say? At school? Well. I've never set up a Christmas tree at school before. And I don't plan to start now. Why would the principal need to know that? He's taking my space? Whatchootalkinbout? What space? My parking space stolen by the ParkingSpaceStealer three years ago? Oh. The space where my tree goes. I didn't know I had a designated space. Maybe I would have been putting one up all these years if I knew a space had been reserved for me. But for the time being, I suppose you can tell the principal he can have my space.

Can everybody just stop talking like a man awakened from a 20-year coma and let me get a single thought into my head? Because I feel like yelling "Will you people please, for the love of Gummi Mary, shut the f*#@ up?" See? I said please. It's not that you're too loud. It's that you all want to talk to ME. I am one person. With two ears. And not a h*ll of a lot of interest in what any of you have to say at the moment.

Isn't it fitting that one of the parties involved in that 'comforting' incident in the girls' restroom a couple years ago has announced that she is planning a career as a sex therapist? It's always good to hear that my students have goals.

When one young lad mentioned that he can't wait until he gets his first tattoo, I said, "You know that when you're old, it will be faded and saggy, don't you?" He didn't answer, but another student declared, "When I'm old, I'm going to do my best to stay covered up. Like, if I go swimming, I'm going to wear a shirt. I'm not letting people look at my man-boobs."

Why is it that kids complain about Reading Day, but when you are going over a test from the day before, they prop open a book and read with wild abandon?

HH needs to look up 'cookie sheet' in a dictionary. He thinks you cook cookies on a piece of aluminum foil on the botom rack of the oven. He thinks the burning smell means they are baking. He thinks they are not done until they turn brown. Better yet, HH needs to look up the difference between 'cookie' and 'pizza'.

I will leave you with that image of HH and Miriam Webster.


Melina said...

Tell the kid that wants his tattoo that I tried very hard not to cringe after looking at my wedding pictures at my enormous tattoos that go down my one shoulder and my back. It's not that it's faded and it's not that it's's just very, very big. My mom was very kind in saying that the lilies on my back matched the tiny pink beaded flowers on my dress. I got over it after looking at the fact that my husband had a full sleeve of tattoos that poked out of his tux.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Get started now designing swimwear with backs and sleeves. Then you can make a fortune as others of your generation age and want to cover up the beauty marks of youth.