What If?

Let's play a little game called "What if?" It's a little different from my other game called "As if." That one is a little bit snotty. It has attitude. Drinking-fountain-kicking attitude. No, "What if?" is a harmless little game. You don't even need dice, or gamepieces, or a spinner. You just spout out what you're thinking about, and make a game of it. I'll go first.

What if...we really had 'skin of our teeth' ? Would some people tan it? Would it grow little hairs that had to be shaved or Naired? Would people tan the skin of their teeth to make it as dark as possible? Would that be a status symbol like bleached white teeth are now? Would there be a special Oil of Olay for Teefs? Would you bite yourself every time you chewed? Would people say things were 'soft as a baby's toothskin'?

What if...somebody actually stole your thunder? Would you want it back? What good is it, anyway, except for scaring dogs and small children? Would that mean you couldn't hear your thunder anymore? And why would somebody else want yours, unless he was a freakish thunder-listener who couldn't get enough, like the crack-addict of nature's sounds?

What if...you laid down with dogs? Would you really get up with fleas? Or would you get up because the porch is cold and hard, even with those dogs piled on top of you? Would you shake your leg if someone scratched your belly? Could you balance a biscuit on your nose, then toss it in the air and eat it? Could you lick that...um...place where dogs lick? And if so, would you at least be embarrassed to be seen doing it?

What if...too many cooks spoiled the broth? Would one of them take the blame for it? Would they scrap that pan of broth, and make some fresh broth? Or would they run a special 'broth du jour' and sell it anyway? Would the customers think it was good because it had a Frenchy kind of name? Would the cooks snicker behind their hands as they watched snobs slurping their spoiled broth? Would the Department of Health ban them from brewing broth for a few weeks?

What if...you could take it with you. Would Heaven be piled with people's belongings? Would it take a while to unpack? Are there banks and safe-deposit boxes for the valuables, or is everyone so honest that there is no need? Would people hold garage sales without garages?

What if...the journey of a thousand miles began with one small step? Would hecklers stand at the starting line of the journey, yelling "Get to steppin'!" Would they shout, "Take bigger steps, you small-steppin' moron!" Would they give hecklers a bad name? Would the journeymen need to strap on backpacks full of shoes? Would they carry pedometers so they could look down and sigh, satisfyingly, "Only 999 more miles to go." ?

What if...Mrs. Hillbilly Mom put her talents to use and did something besides fritter her time away with this Mansion? What might she accomplish if she focused her energy on one large piece of writing, instead of 365 small ones every year? What then? What talents? What energy?

WHAT IF?