Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Inside HM's Head

I hate to go back to school the day after a long weekend. I've got a lot to do this morning. Put that DVD in and get it to the right place. Great. Both maps are mocking me this morning. Stick those devils back. I can use that sticky tack stuff later when I have time. Turn on the computers. Write the bellringer on the board. Go to the bathroom. It's a long time until lunch. Gosh darn there's the bell already. Stand in the hall. Look like you're glad to be here. Ahh. The tardy bell. Go into class and be friendly even though it's not your nature. Take lunch count. They're almost done with the bellringer. Go over it. Set up the DVD. Get them seated where they can see. Get it going. Point out the stuff you want them to remember. Here come the announcements. Oops. That guy is absent. Which reminds me, I'm in trouble now. I forgot to take roll this morning. DVD over. Quick 23 minutes. Go over the stuff. Write it on the board. No, you don't have to take notes. But sometimes this is on a quiz or test in a multiple choice form. Ahh. 5 minutes left. No extra assignment. Now I know how it works out.

Second hour. They're becoming my favorites. Small class. Smart class. Can have decent discussions. Hey, I can catch up on some grading while they watch. Keep one ear and one eye on the screen to point out that stuff as it comes up. Good. Another one down. What's this? If I was going to the moon and could only take two things, what would it be? That's a good one. I don't know. Do I have my food and water provided? No? That's what I'd take. Yeah. Kind of like his bucket of water and baloney sandwich. We must think alike. Too bad we'll die of no oxygen. Bell.

Third hour. Gotta keep an eye on them. Good kids, but get sidetracked. Whoa! A visitor. Good day to pick. You won't see me do anything until 30 minutes in. I knew you were making the rounds. Oh well. I wouldn't have changed my lesson for you. It's the right time for this stuff. Great Googley Moogley you're doing a lot of writing. I know. It's that checklist thingy. Well, I've got the bellringer, all are on task, I've established set, objectives are on the board, students respond to my questions, room is decorated with droopy maps, classroom atmosphere is pleasant, there's evidence of planning and continuity, I think I pass. Wish it wasn't this lesson, though. I didn't get to use my neon index cards to call names for volunteers to answer questions. 15 minutes doesn't seem like time to judge my lesson. Oh well. I hate this stuff. I always want to talk and be cordial, but that would be like breaking the 4th wall or some such thing. I'm not the worst one here. I'm as good as my next door neighbor who walks down the hall singing that she's going to be the next teacher of the year.

Lunch bell. Oh no. I don't have time to tell you how your student is doing. Because I would have to go all the way to the back of the room and open the gradebook program and look him up. Here. Let me look in The Old Red Gradebook. She ain't what she used to be, you know. There. He's missed two 25-point assignments. And he got a 4 out of 36 on the test. Yes. I agree. Yes. He is a good kid. We are not serving his needs like this. Yes. I agree. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. Now if you'll excuse me, I don't mean to be short, but I have my lunch to microwave. The 23 minute lunch period will be over before I know it. There's the lunch tardy bell now. OK. Now all the good seats are taken. I'll have to sit where the students squeeze by the table and kick the legs of my chair. I hate that. Umm. Methinks this should have cooked longer. Oh well. Eat it. Act like it's good. Cold peas and carrots with that rice are not good. Even warm, they are not good. Oops. Dropped some rice. Pick it up, because you'll probably have to sit here tomorrow, and it will be a crusty paste by then. Gotta go. Because I've got a class and it's a long time until my 6th hour plan time.

Yes. You can go to the bathroom before the bell. BELL. OK. Point out the bellringer. Get them going. Take roll. Hey. YOU're tardy. You didn't ask to go anywhere. Where's that bathroom guy. It's been five minutes. Gosh. I'd better have someone check on him. You. Don't be afraid. Go in and yell his name and say I want to know if he's still in there. He is? OK. Darn. What'd he eat? There. They paid attention. That's always up in the air with this group. Tracking, anyone?

Fifth hour. Algebra. Let's send y'all to the board. Uh huh. Not so easy just to guess at an answer and turn it in, eh? You six go first. We'll get to the other seven later. Yeah. Most of you got it. Your time's up. NEXT! Oh, my. What have we been doing for the past two weeks? You guys need some first aid. Stand aside. Let me walk you through it. You there. Go up and help those two. OK. So good for now. You won't remember it tomorrow. You really need this class, by cracky!

PLAN TIME! Ready, set, GO! Get the last of those papers graded. Record all scores in the computer. Nope. No time. Write them in The Old Red Gradebook. Then it will be quicker to enter them after school. There. That only took 5 minutes. Oops. Here comes the custodian. Quick. Get out before you get sucked into a conversation. Go look for that worksheet for 7th hour. There it is. That's the one. These look good for later in the week. Only need 12 copies. Oh oh. Someone on the copier. Go to the office. Oh oh. There's that other teacher that's on plan. NO. You're not using the copier. Yes, the other one works. It is OCCUPIED. What business is it of yours? You're not the copy minder. This copier sucks. It is like Basementia's. What a pain. OK. Done. Back to room. It's clean. Hey. Go make some more copies. There she went. Oh oh. Copier says print job. Great. Try it anyway. Aha! Snuck mine in. Bell?

7th Hour. OK. Let's start that new chapter. You guys are not unpleasant. Just flunkies. I don't mean that in a mean way. You ALL failed this class and need it to graduate. Except for that exchange student. Let's try it a bit differently this time around. Not so much paperwork. More discussion. We'll see. BELL.

Oh my gracious. I've got so much to do in the next hour. Gotta get to the Post Office before it closes. And pick up that medicine. Ahh...Don't follow me back to my room from the copier. NO. I like to talk to you every now and then, but this is really not a good day. Gosh darn it. Take the hint. Sigh. Enter that stuff in the computer anyway. Nod politely. Don't mess up. Act interested. Whew. I thought you'd never leave. Write that stuff on the board for tomorrow. Duty, you know. Won't have time.

Hey! 4:00 already? The school year is almost over, you know.


Redneck Diva said...

SO stealing this idea for me own blog! Because EVERYone wants to know what's going on inside my head, right? Right!

I told the Queen of Cheese the other day that I am having a really, really hard time subscribing to your "school's almost over" theory this year. I feel like it will be an eternity until I shave my legs again. And sleep through the night. And cook. And have a life. No offense, last year I just jumped right on that bandwagon, but this year is a whole new rodeo.

I hate rodeos. Especially whole new ones.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Help yourself. Theft is the sincerest form of flattery, you know.

I'm having a really hard time finding the Queen of Cheese. I found her, and then she was gone, like chunks of cheddar in a fondue pot.

The year is flying for me. I don't even have time to take a breath throughout the day. I hate 6th hour plan time. It's the work of the devil. I much prefer 4th hour, which I had for most of my career. It really split up the day. Now it's like an express elevator to h*ll, then I get a short breather, then one more class and the day is over. Not that I'm comparing my job to h*ll or anything. I kind of enjoy my work.

LanternLight said...

What I wan to know is, is it automatic bellringer or do you get that guy from the Hunchback of Notre Dame?

Hillbilly Mom said...

The Hunchback guy is too expensive. The bellringer that we start each class with is some activity that gets the kids in their seats and busy while we take roll and lunch count and sign absentee slips and give out make-up work. They are different each day, and for each teacher. I am having my students keep a notebook, which is due for a grade each Friday, and gives them info to refer to for study purposes. I write notes or questions or writing prompts on the board to start their Science day. So far, it is working.

Redneck Diva said...

Queen of Cheese is currently on hiatus. Not sure if she'll blog again any time soon. Poor cheesy queen....she's a trooper.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I miss Queeny Queeny Cheesehead. I hope she's not out of commission.