Friday, September 7, 2007

The Horror

The most terrible, horrible, nasty thing happened to me today. There I was, sending my Algebra students to the white board to argue over which color dry-erase marker they would use, who got custody of the eraser, and who had to use tissues to erase...and it happened. I sat down at a desk at the end of a row, so as to keep an eye on the 6 boardies and the 6 wait-until-they're-done helpers in case anybody got a wrong answer. I put my list of problems on the desk. I put my blue mechanical pencil on the desk. I can't think without a pencil in my hand. I grabbed the side of the desk to pull it back toward me, which is easier than sliding the chair and grooving the floor wax. AND IT HAPPENED!

My hand grabbed something wet. EEEWWWW!!!!!!!! I yanked my hand away, and screamed, "EEEWWWW!!!!!!!!" The kids stared. Go figure. I looked at my hand. A clear chunk of something stretched out about two inches. IT WAS FREAKIN' SNOT! EEEWWWW!!!!!!!!

One of the kids, the one with empathy, who is related to one of our staff, said, "What's the matter?" And I said, "IT'S SNOT!!!!" I ran (well, we're talkin' Mrs. Hillbilly Mom here, folks, so it was more like I walked at a faster than normal pace) to the cabinet and grabbed the GermX, which I've kept hidden ever since I used to leave it out on the desk to encourage handwashing after noseblowing and that kid pumped a big handful and used it as hair gel, and I pumped myself about a two-inch-deep reservoir in my hand, and instead of using it for hair gel, I scrubbed and scrubbed until it was dripping between my fingers, and then I kind of shook my hands and flung those sweet, sweet alcohol-laced droplets about the room, and went back to the same desk, and sat down, and only put my hands on top of it where I could see that it was dry, and continued with my lesson. You've gotta get right back on the horse, you know. The horse that slimed you.

It was horrific. I am still shaking. And gagging.

Kids. Can't live with 'em...can't catch mononucleosis without 'em.


Mean Teacher said...

Antibacterial wipes are good for getting rid of snot residue before you slather your hands in Germ X. A little friction from the wipe makes me feel much cleaner.

Stewed Hamm said...

Oh come off it, HM. What's a little mucus between partners in education?
OK, so I'll give you that it seemed like a big deal at the time, but looking back on it now I'm sure you'll agree that it snot.

Cazzie!!! said...

OMG..the critters!!!

LanternLight said...


Not caused by the ghost of Mr. K?

Redneck Diva said...

Well, thank you for making me ruin my keyboard when I PUKED all over it. Omg, Hillbilly Mom, do you not know that SNOT is the one thing that will bring me to my knees???????? Lice, barf, sweat, while not entirely pleasant, have nothing on snot.

Omg, still gagging.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I never thought of that. I am rationing my wipes for cleaning off my white board.

Walk a mile behind my desk, Stew.

I think you feel my horror!

Even Mr K would not wish this catastrophe on me. Though he might have had something to do with me having MUM in my class again this year.

So sorry. But it was more horrific for ME. I'm the one who actually touched it. With the hand I am now typing this reply with. And ending my sentences with propositions with.

Mean Teacher said...

Snot gets me too, Redneck Diva. Puke is a close second, but snot? I hope God plans to give me a snot-free child, because I don't think I can handle it even from my own offspring.

The fact that HM's encounter was with snot from an unknown source makes it even more gagtastic.