The Horror

The most terrible, horrible, nasty thing happened to me today. There I was, sending my Algebra students to the white board to argue over which color dry-erase marker they would use, who got custody of the eraser, and who had to use tissues to erase...and it happened. I sat down at a desk at the end of a row, so as to keep an eye on the 6 boardies and the 6 wait-until-they're-done helpers in case anybody got a wrong answer. I put my list of problems on the desk. I put my blue mechanical pencil on the desk. I can't think without a pencil in my hand. I grabbed the side of the desk to pull it back toward me, which is easier than sliding the chair and grooving the floor wax. AND IT HAPPENED!

My hand grabbed something wet. EEEWWWW!!!!!!!! I yanked my hand away, and screamed, "EEEWWWW!!!!!!!!" The kids stared. Go figure. I looked at my hand. A clear chunk of something stretched out about two inches. IT WAS FREAKIN' SNOT! EEEWWWW!!!!!!!!

One of the kids, the one with empathy, who is related to one of our staff, said, "What's the matter?" And I said, "IT'S SNOT!!!!" I ran (well, we're talkin' Mrs. Hillbilly Mom here, folks, so it was more like I walked at a faster than normal pace) to the cabinet and grabbed the GermX, which I've kept hidden ever since I used to leave it out on the desk to encourage handwashing after noseblowing and that kid pumped a big handful and used it as hair gel, and I pumped myself about a two-inch-deep reservoir in my hand, and instead of using it for hair gel, I scrubbed and scrubbed until it was dripping between my fingers, and then I kind of shook my hands and flung those sweet, sweet alcohol-laced droplets about the room, and went back to the same desk, and sat down, and only put my hands on top of it where I could see that it was dry, and continued with my lesson. You've gotta get right back on the horse, you know. The horse that slimed you.

It was horrific. I am still shaking. And gagging.

Kids. Can't live with 'em...can't catch mononucleosis without 'em.