Friday, July 20, 2007

Between the Devil and the Annoyingly Loud Aquarium

The Devil was in the front yard this morning when I looked out. Tank was guarding him. I wish he would go back to where he came from. The Devil, not the dog. What kind of person leaves a perfectly good Devil out in the yard where a baby beagle can kidnap him? OK, right now, I suppose that would be one Hillbilly Mom. But it wasn't my Devil to start with. The Devil is free for the taking. Somebody with idle hands needs to come and pick up The Devil. I hear he is good at finding employment for such people.

Last night, HH found work for #1 son. He made him drive the truck around the grounds...towing HH on his tractor. Men. The things they do for fun. I'm surprised they weren't having lawnmower races. Oh. No, I'm not. The lawnmowers, as well as the tractor, are broken.

Unbeknownst to Mabel, I have been collecting a particular item for her all summer. Don't get excited, Silent Mabel. It's nothing good. No Pringles tubes or stray pencils or cow items or books you won't be allowed to keep. Just something that you like, that you could get for yourself free of charge if you bought something else. Can you guess it, Mabel? Heh, heh. I knew you couldn't. I think I have 12 of them right now. Not that they come in a set or anything. I know you like them, because other people always give them to you. I've witnessed it with my own peepers. I need to shut up before you actually guess what it is.

I am having trouble with the #1 son. He is fiddling with Gamey for no good reason. Gamey seems to have a nautical theme. The boy tells me it is the 'aquarium' theme, but it looks like the bottom of the ocean to me. Every few minutes, he scares me out of my skin with a dolphin bark, or tortures me with a bathroom-sink dripping noise, or gags me with a plopping-into-water sound that one might hear in a toilet, or makes my skin crawl with a painful baby-being-pinched shriek, or stops my heart with a freighter horn blast. I would like to know when these items fit into an aquarium. An aquarium would sound like some little bubbly bubbles. It would be peaceful.

This racket almost makes me long for a good argument with Lappy.


Cazzie!!! said...

An aquarium would sound like some little bubbly bubbles. It would be peaceful.
....well, my thoughts...I would reckon that it would sound like the filter is running and we all would need to go peee ALOT with that sound

Hillbilly Mom said...

OK, so you can tell I never had an aquarium. I fed a neighbor's fish one time while she was on a Greek cruise, and her cat attacked me every time. Something about me closing that flap lid thing on top after dumping in the food. The neighbor said that she usually left that one flap thingy open and that cat would lay on one side and dip its paw in to try and catch fish. Which seems like kind of a cruel cat-and-fish game to play on those critters, seeing as how one group has to live in constant fear of death, and the other develops low self-esteem because a cat-paw is not nearly as good as a Zebco rod and reel.