Friday, May 2, 2008

May Fool's Day

Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is always up for a good prank. Yesterday, the 8th grade class was being bused from Basementia to tour Newmentia. I knew they would select their schedules, as much as we allow freshmen to choose, and would then walk the hallway. Yes. We have only ONE hallway at Newmentia. But it is a tad longer than a 10th of a mile. Perhaps it is an 8th of a mile. I'm not sure, because I've never driven it, but I've driven my driveway, and I've compared walking times, so I know it's lengthy for a hallway. For example, from my classroom in the middle of the building, I can not read Mabel's lips from her lair at the end of the building when she says, "If you need any glue or rulers, they are right here...LOCKED UP!"

But the length of the hallway is really of no consequence to my little tale. I am merely setting the scene for my prank. I thought the tourists would be walking into our classrooms. So I planned a little production with my 2nd hour students. I told the class not to speak to the tourists. Stare at them. I assigned the girl who wanted to mix chemicals to make a cough medicine and give it to people for her science project to say, sarcastically, "We are TRYING to work!"

Then the girl who wants to be valedictorian but begs me for answers every day would say, "We take our education very seriously here at the High School."

By that time, the tourists would be looking around the room, and see, written in red dry-erase marker on the whiteboard Copy Chapter 13 'Work and Energy', p. 400 to 466. Use black ink. If even one word is wrong, do it over.

Then I would point my finger at the girl who saw me sitting on a concrete wall in the parking lot before school doing my duty and asked, "Did the bell ring yet?" (as if I would still be there instead of inside the school after the bell), and say, "Ninety-nine percent is NOT good enough! You are lowering the class average! How will we ever send a man back to the moon if you people do not pay attention to detail?"

And as the piece de resistance, I would throw a stack of papers at the girl who says I am a stalker and that she cuts herself but not in an Emo way, and yell, "Four times is enough! I am sick of reading it! Copy that chapter right, or get out of my class!"

Uh huh. Mrs. Hillbilly Mom. Striking fear into her students before they are even her students.

Alas. The tourists did not come into my classroom because I had the door shut. So we did the next best thing, which was leave up the chapter-copying instructions to see who would dare to complain in the other two classes. Nobody did. I have already struck the fear into them. The prank worked best with my 4th hour, who fell for it hook, line and sinker. They politely asked if I was sure I wanted them to do it, and if they had done something to be punished for (which on most days is a hearty YES). Then I walked over to the section where I always write the date, pointed to May 1, and exclaimed, "MAY FOOLS!"

Except for the kid who declared, "I hate you!" (but not in an angry way), they breathed a sigh of relief. We had a good laugh. They didn't even mind the real assignment of the Chapter Review questions. Much.


Marshamarshamarsha said...

You're just awesome.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Thanks for humoring me. It's good to hear from someone who appreciates a good adolescent-torture story.

Next week: waterboarding.