Friday, June 15, 2007

I Met My Old Lover On The Street Last Night

"I met my oooold lover on the street last night. She seemed so glad to see me, I just smiled. We talked about some old times, and we drank ourselves some beers. Still crazy, after aalllll these years."

Sorry, Paul Simon. I think you sound...mmmm...how you say...just a little bit better than I do.

OK. I didn't really meet my old lover on the street last night. What old lovah? And what was I doing on the street, anyway, you Perv-Os? D'ya think I walk the streets at night? And I don't even drink. But I am crazy. And I did talk about some old times today with an ex-teaching buddy. That's to say, she's still my buddy, but not a teacher. But it didn't sound right to start this post with:

"I talked to my eexxxxx teaching buddy on the phone this afternoon. She seemed so glad to hear me, I just smiled. We talked about some old times, and we didn't drink anything at all but I think she was doing the dishes while we talked. Still crazy, after aalllll these years."

Other than that, yeah...it was just like that Paul Simon song. Some people, you can pick up with like it was yesterday. We are going to meet for lunch next Friday. Mabel? Do you want to join us? It's going to be at 11:30 at the place where we all went one time and you went somewhere else by mistake. Got it? Shoot me an email, or give me a call on your FREE long distance. Oh, and we are inviting the COOK from down the hall, if you know who I'm talkin' 'bout. There. Now the housekeeping is out of the way.

I've been trying to call this crony for a week. I even saw her at graduation, and told her to call me. As you can see, I am quite influential. I had begun to think she was screening her calls, and I was not to be answered. But no. She had just forgotten (see what close friends I have?) that she was supposed to call me after she listened to the first message. And then she was out of town. And when we tried to make this lunch date, she couldn't go on the first day I suggested, because...well...she already had plans to go to COSTCO with one of her friends! Gosh. I think I'm getting a complex. Anyhoo...I suppose this shows that nobody, but nobody, kisses ol' Hillbilly Mom's butt. And that COSTCO is more stimulating than lunch with HM.

So she called, and #1 son answered the phone. Crony said, "HILLBILLY?" And of course the boy said, "Yeah?" because apparently he has such a booming social life that people even call him on MY cell phone as well as his. When she continued with "What are YOU up to?" the boy stammered, "Uhh...I think you want my mom." And then Crony told me, "He's SO grown up now, he scares me! (Yeah. Me too.) He sounds just like you!" I'm not sure what to make of that. Because even though the boy is 12, his voice has changed, and why should he sound like ME? Which I asked Crony, "What does that say about MY voice?" And without missing a beat, she said, "That you sound like a man." NO. I don't! Mabel? I don't. Do I?

Crony and I traded info on a particular situation, and decided on what WE would do if we ruled the world. Or at least our own small part of the world. I even told her such earthshaking information as: "Yesterday, out of the blue, #2 son announced, 'Ms MyTeacher's feet and shoes don't smell very good.' " I'm not sure what to make of that. One summer, he announced, "I would kiss Ms MyOldTeacher if I could. But you are not allowed to kiss at school. Only to hug. And only when your work is all done." I'm not sure what will become of that boy.

All in all, it was a productive afternoon. Is 90 minutes too long to talk on the phone?

5 comments:

LanternLight said...

Is 90 minutes too long to talk on the phone?

Not for someone you have not heard from, for awhile.

Mean Teacher said...

I love long phone conversations with long lost friends--at least the ones whose lives haven't become unbearably sad.

Most of my old pals aren't doing anything I really want to hear about. One is a lesbian alcoholic who has a couple of STDs and a fatty liver already, and she just turned 30. One has become a porn star/meth whore. One has had about 4 abortions and is about to burn through marriage #3.

Maybe I need to make some more teacher friends. They seem to be less likely to become meth whores and porn stars.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Lantern,
Is two years long enough? With a lunch after one year, and a 5- minute conversation before school 6 months ago? Let me answer for you: Yes, that's long enough to have a 90 minute phone call.

Meanie,
Don't count on the teacher friends. I've worked with a child molester (make that two, one male and one female), many alcoholics, two lesbians, the town slut, a scofflaw, and three adulterers (it was a sordid love triangle). Of course, I've been at it longer than you, and have traveled the state of Missouri making these business acquaintances. I'm still looking for a pr0n star and a meth wh0re.

Of course, my theory is that EVERYBODY has a secret, so who knows what I've really been working with all these years. This list is just the ones who manifested themselves. For example, when the police come to school and take a guy out in handcuffs and he never returns, and a former student goes to court over the whole thingy, and about 20 others testify...it's kind of hard to keep the molesting activities under wraps.

Oh, and in reference to one of your recent posts...the ocean called, and it wants its multitude of dead tiny translucent fish back.

Stewed Hamm said...

"Two child molesters, many alcoholics, two lesbians, the town slut, a scofflaw, and three adulterers..."

That sounds like one hell of a good movie. Not nearly as good of a school, though.

Hillbilly Mom said...

Stewthefutureproducer,
I could write a kick-a$$ novel, but I would have the opposite problem of James Frey. My work would be touted as fiction, and then everyone who recognized himself would sue me.

All of my characters did not originate in one school, however. The wealth was shared.