HMTV

Nothing going on here today. I am slowly getting over my dog sickness that I had when we left on vacation. I know you're all concerned. Thanks for asking. Even though you didn't actually put it into words, I could sense your deep interest in my well-being. I'm psychic, you know.

This morning started at the crack of 9:00, with HH deciding to dash to town with a water sample for the pool. One hour and $77.75 later, he was back, ordering the young 'uns to get dressed and pick up sticks and pull weeds out of his rock garden. They did. I think he caught them before they were fully awake, or else they know how quickly he can turn psycho. HH got out the push mower for about 15 minutes. I don't know the reason for that, unless he just wanted to terrorize the kids during their chores. Then he went to the barn for his big straw hat, and mounted the riding mower for an hour or two.

No stranger to common sense, I made myself scarce and withdrew into the confines of the Mansion. I laid around in the recliner for a couple hours, watching Death Road or something on the History Channel. I'm not sure of that title. It's some road in Bolivia or somewhere else in South America where there is a kind of dangerous one-lane road that winds up a mountainside and took 100 years to build. Hey! Those workers must not have been very efficient, because it's still GRAVEL in most places, and they don't even have those guardrail thingies. Perhaps some places are meant to be uninhabitable. Machu Picchu. Just sayin'. Cause I saw that Anthony Bourdain went there one time, and I thought, Why in the world would anybody want to live here? Apparently they don't, because it didn't look real inhabited on that show, what with the buildings in ruins and all. But what do I know? History is my worst subject.

Anyhoo...there are tourists who want to ride bicycles down Death Road, which seems kind of rude and self-centered to me, because I know how mad I get when a big bike rally thingy impedes traffic when I'm trying to cut through the state park to get somewhere, and that is a two-lane blacktop road without huge 10-wheeler trucks trying to haul freight, like on the Death Road, because that is just one-lane gravel in the most dangerous of places. Without guardrails, people! And with waterfalls pouring down over the road in a rain. What kind of crazy are you? And maybe you want to call that thing Road to the Heavens or something a bit more positive than Death Road. Although I'm sure that's not the real name of it, though who would know, because I didn't see any road signs posted along the shoulder. Ahem. Because there was no freakin' shoulder!

During that show, they kept running commercials for Ice Road Truckers or some such new show. I think I'm turning into HH. This show looks really good. But I still won't stoop to watching The Most Dangerous Catch every week. Because once you've seen one crab harvest, you've seen them all. In my opinion. Because EVERY week can't be the most dangerous catch. Most of them have to be Kind Of Dangerous Catches.

Since my butt was tired from sitting on it, I washed up a sink full of dishes. Because what I haven't told you is that before the History Channel, I was on E! watching The Life and Death of Anna Nicole Smith. But I missed the beginning of her life, and switched channels just before her death, because that's really kind of sad, even for a rich drugged-up floozie like her.

And while we're discussing my TV-watching habits...I also caught a few Trick My Truck episodes while HH was slaving over a hot six-acre lawn. I saw a patriotic wall-of-veterans truck, and a giant locomotive engine truck, and a diner truck, and part of a classic car truck. By then, HH had joined me, after floating around in Poolio and the Free Hairwad Hot Tub ignoring the boys for about 90 minutes, and I lost interest and went to pay some bills. Can you believe HH watched TV while I was slaving over a hot checkbook?

Then HH took off to cut some boards before going to a wedding reception, and I took the boys to The Devil's Playground to get him something Devilish for Father's Day. OK, here's what he's getting: a $5 t-shirt with a flag on the front, and a $69.97 dremel tool. He should be happy, because #1 son reports that HH broke his old dremel tool, and had to use a rasp (or as the boy called it, 'a long round file kind of thing'), to sharpen 'each little part of the chainsaw blade'. If he doesn't like it, he will take it back and pocket the money. This much I know for sure.

And now, after such a tiring day, I must finish up this post and watch my new Special Collector's Edition of the John Wayne 100th anniversary DVD of True Grit. The movie with perhaps the worst acting of all time by the three main characters. Yeah. I enjoy the classics.