Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Why The Pony Prances

My Little Pony can't pee like a racehorse! It's true. I had to take him to the doctor today for his peein'. Saturday, he drank about 6 cups of water and peed every 30 minutes. "Oh, great," I thought. "He's come down with diabetes." Actually, I did not think it like that, in that flippant way, which HH likes to refer to as 'smartass'. I was very concerned. Then on Sunday and Monday, he still had the peein', but not the thirst. Which was a good thing in my book, because it smacked of 'bladder infection' instead. I had to write his teacher a note so he could go to the bathroom 3 or 4 times in addition to their regular breaks. I told her my suspicions, along with 'sorry if this is too much information'. So after school, he saw the nurse practitioner, who was the only one without a double-booked schedule, and after peein' in a cup for her, The Pony was diagnosed with a UTI, and prescribed antibiotics.

That's another story. I had to rush to the pharmacy before it closed at 6:00, because the 4:15 appointment didn't let us out until 5:15. Oh, and the doctor that I handpicked for my boys because he was 5 miles from our Mansion has now moved his practice 20 miles away, behind a Burger King to boot, and has waiting times in excess of 1 hour if you actually want to see a doctor, when we used to get in within 5 minutes. I suppose that's progress. I haven't felt the same about this doc ever since I saw him at Catholic Trivia Night wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a green Rasta knit cap with fake braids, swilling Bud out of a long-neck bottle. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

So I got to the pharmacy at 5:40, and you should have seen those workers a-hustlin'. They had that prescription in my hot little hands within 5 minutes. But you should see these pills. They are HORSE pills. I suppose Bactrim does not come in Pony size. They are dime-sized, but flat like an aspirin. The #1 son took one look a them and declared that he would just have to die, because he could never swallow one of those. He even has to have his acetaminophen cut in half, and then gags several times with each piece. Thank the Gummi Mary that it was The Pony. He popped one of those bad boys in his mouth, took a swig of water, tossed back his head like a champion, and swallowed that behemoth.

Now let's just hope he's not allergic.

In other news, I am behind in my hall-pass prankin'. Funny how life gets in the way. My grandma had a wreck today, totaled her car, and is in the hospital with a cut on her head and 'her good eye swelled shut', according to my aunt. Who knew? I thought she had two good eyes. I tried to call her room, but she didn't answer. I didn't want to bother her. Maybe she can't see the phone, what with that eye thing goin' on. I can try tomorrow. They are keeping her overnight because of that huge knot on her eye, and the fact that she takes Coumadin. She is very lucky to have no broken bones and no concussion, because from what I hear, she rolled that little PT Cruiser. The second thing my mom (her daughter-in-law, not her daughter) said when she heard was, "You know, Grandma has always hated that car." Which is true. Her son bought it for her, and she never wanted it. My family has quite the dramatic touch.

The extortion boys are laying low. One's brother said 'hi' to me in the hall, and I told him to tell his brother I wanted my pass back. He said, "I heard. Bro and FaceChanger have been talking about it." Hmm...FaceChanger was not an original extortionist. Methinks the Bro probably accused him of taking the booty. Now, to add fuel to the fire, I am making up a ransom note. Something along the lines of: IF YOUR PASS YOU EXPECT TO SEE, BUY A 20-OUNCE SODA FOR ME. Does that sound good? Like a freshman may have written it? I'm going to print it out in something like 26-point font, or whatever you call those thingamabobbers.

I can tell them it was put under my door last night. Yeah. That's the ticket.

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