Monday, May 21, 2007

Typer Goiter Faster

I spent the day in a business/computer lab, typing objectives and Grade Level Expectations into the curriculum. It was not as bad as it sounds. Once somebody showed up to log us on, and somebody else showed me how to get into the screens I needed, it went rather smoothly. That's not to say that I'm finished. I have about 1/2 done. Not bad, considering that I am dealing with information that was in different form when I taught it eight years ago, and do not currently know it like the back of my hand. I have a sneaking suspicion that I will have to do the same for my math class. Not that I will teach it any differently--I will just have to type in the info in this format. I still don't understand why the Basementia teachers have theirs already completed and my counterparts don't. Except for being time-intensive, it's not rocket science.

I had to leave an hour early for my doctor's appointment. I pushed the appointment back once already, due to a meeting, and I couldn't do it again. Oh, the bad luck...they already had a sub for me so I could type up the curriculum.

The doctor says I am as healthy as a horse. Not in so many words, because I imagine patients get quite testy when being compared to a horse. My goiter is under control. I dooooo loves to talk about my goiter. I regret to inform Mabel that my total cholesterol was 156, with the HDL being 52, and the LDL being 83. Shh...don't tell Mabel, but I eat a little sausage biscuit for breakfast every morning, don't eat oatmeal, cook my green beans with bacon, and's been quite a while since I exercised. Don't hate me because I'm choleresterolly correct, Mabel. We know you are quite well-preserved from your healthy regimen. Why, next to me, the students think you are but a mere fetus. Just the other day, they told you how much younger you look than I. And when you left, we discussed how I am so old, I have an autographed Bible.

Because I am Even Steven, there is happiness and anger to report concerning my little doctor's visit. Not that my doctor is little. He is somewhat rotund, and a former Army doctor. He pretty much calls a horse a horse. Except not in those words. Haven't you been paying attention? He said my lab results were excellent, and showed me the paperwork. On the bottom of the second page, someone had written "Not Fasting!" with an exclamation mark, just like that! How DARE they!!! I ate my little sausage biscuit and took my medicine at 4:50 a.m., and was completely done by 5:00 a.m. No particle of food or drop of liquid passed my lips from that time until the phlebotomist needled me at 4:00 p.m. If that's not fasting, I don't know what IS! When you have a lab in the morning at 8:00 a.m., the tell you, "Nothing to eat or drink after 10:00 p.m., except for a sip of water if you take medication." So that there, for you non-Mathies, is 10 hours of fasting. I went 11 hours, by cracky, and all I got was a snotty lie on my labwork. "How dare they!" the doctor chuckled, when I pointed it out to him. (He must be psychically in to with me). "It's nothing, your labs were great." I suppose I would have had an excuse if they were not in the normal range. In case you hadn't noticed, that was the ANGER part. The Happiness part is that the receptionist did not call me back to the window for my insurance info and co-pay. The insurance I understood--I was just there on Thursday. I went back after the appointment to give her the co-pay. She said, "I'm going to give this check back to you. Between your two insurances, that should be taken care of." Hmm...maybe that's why the doctor's office sent me that $60 check. Three $20 co-pays from last year. I ain't complainin'. About that.

They're probably making a killing off of me.
I'm their cash horse.
But not in so many words.

P.S. for Mabel (that means Personal Secret for Mabel). So y'all don't read it, OK?
Mabel: I know, it's just NUTS! Not nuts like in crazy nuts. NUTS! I eat cashews every night. I know that almonds are supposed to be more healthy, but this old nag's teeth ain't what they used to be...ain't what they used to be...many long years...ago.


Mean Teacher said...

I'm jealous. My cholesterol was 196 when I had it checked in February. Since then, I have been eating Cheerios and walking lots, and have practically become a vegetarian, what with my extra FIBER needs and all... goiters though. :)

Cazzie!!! said...

Shiver me timbers HBM, you make me laugh my ass off....wish it was litteral though, hehe.
I am proud of you for your blood results, there is an elephamt sticker in the mail to you right now to wear about the place saying, "Good going HBM".
Now, what, prey tell, does Mabel eat to be so preserved? I would like to know :)

Stewed Hamm said...

Twinkies maybe? Those things are so full of preservatives they're likely to mummify you.

I've never had my cholesterol tested, and Lord help me, I never will. (My cholesterol has test anxiety... it can never seem to fill in the right bubbles on the answer form)

Hillbilly Mom said...

You're still under the magic 200.
I'll excuse you for being goiter-challenged.

The virtual mail travels quickly. I am wearing my sticker as I type this. I am not sure of all of Mabel's dietary secrets, but this much I know is true: Mabel eats a lot of salmon, and oatmeal, and green things, and snacks on those cute little cherry tomatoes. She even has a GYM membership, and lifts weights, and walks on the treadmill. Oh, and she cleans her house weekly, on a schedule.

I'm in awe.

I don't have it checked per se. It is part of the BMP blood test the doctor does to check on my blood pressure medicine side effects.

Cazzie!!! said...

Mmmmmm salmon, I heart salmon.

Redneck. Diva. said...


This is the second one that has seemingly disappeared after the magic message appeared telling me that my site would be visible after own approval.

Oh wait. I don't have owner approval.....what's Mabel's phone number....I think she and I could be imaginary friends.....

Hillbilly Mom said...

My uncle used to live in Alaska. He grilled some salmon for us around 10:00 one night when we went there on vacation. It was still daylight. He took us on a tour of a cannery near Ketchikan. Then he sent us many a can of salmon for years.

Sometimes, I get a comment from you that says "9:35 a.m." and it shows "22 hours ago" or some such thing. Even though I have checked just a couple hours earlier, and it wasn't there.

You are lost in a time warp, methinks. Is there some funky Manhatten Project going on here? Or there? For example, I just tried to type "Or", and it came out "zot". It can't be my typing. Oh, laws no. M-O-O-N spells "Mrs. Hillbilly Mom is a good typer." Can I get a "H*ll yeah!" Tom? Can I?

Redneck. Diva. said...

Maybe I need to get back on a plane and go back to the island. Maybe I wasn't supposed to leave.

If you're not a LOST watcher, that will make NO sense to you. I apologize.

Hillbilly Mom said...

I'm not a LOST watcher. I know nothing of this island of which you speak. But you are welcome to get on a plane and go there. Wear some camouflage pants. Perhaps there will be cabana boys on the island when you return. Oh, and be careful not to get LOST on the way.

I know that's lame. But I am running dry. I need a creativity refill.

Stewed Hamm said...

See, I was totally going a different way with that island thing too. Someone says "island" to me, and I'm all "Which one, Fantasy or Gilligan's?" unless I'm talking to one of my geeky friends, in which case we're talking about "The Prisoner."

Getting back on topic, the only checking my doctors do on me is with that little counterfeit bill detecting magic marker when I try to pay. Yay, medicine!

Hillbilly Mom said...

I tried to pay. But my money was no good to them. In a kind of different way than yours, methinks.